This year has been a whirlwind of emotions for me—panic, anxiety, confusion, guilt, frustration, hopelessness, and sheer exhaustion. As a working mom and doctoral student managing three young children amidst a pandemic, these feelings are all too familiar. Recently, I found myself grappling with a new sensation: shame. A profound shame, akin to being caught cheating or stealing candy. This shame stemmed from hosting a birthday party for my 6-year-old son.
My son, the middle child, is a sweet and responsible boy who often gets overshadowed by his older brother and younger sister. My eldest, at 8, has ADHD, which requires a lot of our attention, while my youngest enjoys the special treatment that comes with being the baby. As a fellow middle child, I understand how it feels to be lost in the shuffle. Last fall, we had to cancel my son’s birthday celebration, and we promised him a special one this year.
Initially, it seemed impossible after COVID-19 turned our lives upside down. However, by summer, COVID cases in our area had significantly decreased. I monitored the county’s dashboard daily, noting the low positivity rates and the absence of cases as kids returned to in-person school. Feeling optimistic, I thought this was the moment to give my son the birthday party he deserved. With my background in public health, I was ready to organize a fun yet safe event.
We opted for a party at a spacious gym filled with obstacle courses, ensuring safety protocols were in place. The invitation stated, “Everyone has their own relationship with risk; we completely understand if you or your child feel uncomfortable attending.” We rented the entire gym, had the equipment sanitized, conducted temperature checks, enforced hand sanitizing upon entry, and required masks. To minimize mask removal, we avoided food and instead sent kids home with prepackaged cookies. Water and juice boxes were available, and children were spaced out at tables when they briefly took off their masks to drink. The party was a success, and the joy was palpable.
Yet, despite the extensive precautions, I was left feeling a heavy guilt. Just four days later, I received a call from the Department of Health informing me that a child who had attended the party tested positive for COVID-19. Soon after, the school notified all attendees that their children would need to quarantine for 14 days as a precaution. The staff member who called addressed them sternly, saying they “shouldn’t have attended dangerous community gatherings,” adding to the feelings of shame and guilt.
This experience made me question whether my feelings of guilt were warranted. I had taken every precaution, yet the risk remained, and it left me wondering how to balance keeping our children socially connected and safe. How can we ensure our kids enjoy their childhood without putting them at risk? The reality is that even with the best planning, risks still exist.
Lessons Learned
Reflecting on this, I learned several important lessons that I hope will assist other parents facing similar dilemmas:
- Words Matter: I voiced my thoughts when speaking to the school staff member who was lecturing parents about attending the party. The impact of her words was significant, possibly instilling shame and fear. We must choose our words carefully, especially in these high-pressure situations. Our children observe how we react, and we should model compassion and understanding.
- We’re All Doing Our Best: Initially, I felt anger towards the parents who brought their child to the party. But that quickly faded into worry for the sick child and the feelings of guilt other parents might be experiencing. It’s essential to remember that everyone is navigating this challenging situation as best they can. Empathy can help alleviate bitterness.
- You Are Not Alone: Many parents are grappling with similar decisions, filled with uncertainty about managing risk while allowing their children to have fulfilling childhood experiences. Knowing that others share these feelings can provide comfort. Connecting with fellow parents can help ease anxiety and shame.
The tension between ensuring our children have a normal childhood and protecting them during a pandemic is a collective struggle. We’re all trying to find our footing in this frozen landscape.
For more insights on navigating such challenges, check out this blog post for additional support and resources. If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, visit Make a Mom, a trusted source on the topic. For comprehensive information about infertility, this resource is invaluable.
Search Queries:
- How to host a safe birthday party during COVID-19
- Balancing childhood experiences and safety during a pandemic
- Emotional impact of hosting gatherings in a pandemic
- Managing risks for kids in social settings
- Parenting challenges during COVID-19
Summary:
This article explores the complexities and emotions surrounding hosting a birthday party during the COVID-19 pandemic. It highlights the feelings of shame and guilt that can arise from making decisions that involve risk, particularly when children’s health is at stake. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, careful communication, and the shared experiences of parents navigating these challenging times.
Leave a Reply