Husbands everywhere, let’s have an important conversation.
Last year, I shared a message aimed at wives whose partners struggle to accept their evolving bodies. Now, I’m turning the spotlight on the husbands who play a part in this emotional journey.
It’s understandable that you’ve been conditioned by society to expect your wife to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. From a young age, the media has bombarded you with images of slender, youthful women that often resemble dolls rather than real, complex human beings. We’ve all been led to believe that aging is something to dread, that weight loss is ideal, and that signs of aging, like cellulite, are flaws to be hidden.
But here’s the wake-up call: we’ve been misled. The damaging narrative has left many women feeling inadequate about their bodies. When you make jokes or express dissatisfaction about your wife gaining weight or aging, you contribute to her struggles with self-esteem. Simply put, it’s hurtful.
I know it’s difficult to hear, but your wife’s body is not yours to critique. She is the one who lives in it, and she should be the one in charge of how she wants to present herself. Negative comments about her appearance—however “playful” you think they are—are not okay. They are harmful, unnecessary, and can even be abusive when they occur regularly. Your wife does not need your unsolicited advice about losing weight or comments on her appearance; she needs you to mature emotionally. This means confronting and dismantling your own biases about bodies, so you can focus on loving your wife rather than criticizing her.
I’ve seen many women reach out to me on social media, looking for answers after their partners have made them feel bad about their bodies. As a body positivity activist, I don’t advise them to change their appearance. Instead, I suggest they firmly establish boundaries with men who criticize them. This places an unfair burden on women who are already navigating their own feelings of insecurity in an environment that should be supportive.
A Personal Story
Let me share a personal story. In 2014, after a challenging divorce, I joined a dating app hoping to meet someone special. I was focused on maintaining an idealized version of myself, which included staying thin and youthful. That’s when I met Jake, a caring and genuine man. We quickly connected and eventually got married, welcoming two children into our lives.
During our early days together, we both worked hard to meet societal expectations of attractiveness. However, after I became a mother, I experienced the physical changes that come with pregnancy—weight gain, stretch marks, and changes to my body that are part of the journey of motherhood. These changes should never be a source of shame; they are natural aspects of life.
Over the years, Jake has also changed. He’s gained weight too, and his priorities have shifted towards spending time with our kids rather than maintaining a gym routine. Not once have I thought less of him for these changes. In fact, I find him even more attractive now because he’s showing his true self, free from the constraints of trying to meet societal standards.
It’s crucial to understand that we are not expected to look the same at every stage of life. If you can’t learn to appreciate your wife’s body as it evolves, then you need to rethink your commitment to a lifelong partnership with a living, breathing human being.
I’m happy to say that Jake feels the same way about me. We’ve embraced the changes we both go through, which has led to a loving, supportive relationship devoid of shame or criticism. I wish this kind of connection for all couples. It’s far healthier than nitpicking or criticizing your partner for not fitting a mold that’s often impossible to achieve.
Embrace the Change
So, husbands, it’s time to embrace your wife’s changing body. It’s time to challenge your beliefs and actively choose to appreciate the incredible woman you’re lucky enough to have by your side.
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In summary, husbands must recognize the importance of supporting their wives through physical changes. Embracing these transformations fosters stronger relationships and promotes mutual respect and love. Acknowledging and challenging societal norms can lead to healthier dynamics within marriages.
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