The GOOP Holiday Gift Guide Has Arrived and It’s as Outrageous as Ever

Entertainment

The GOOP Holiday Gift Guide Is Here and It’s as Outrageous as Ever

Updated: November 6, 2020

Originally Published: November 5, 2020

Nothing screams “pandemic-induced economic downturn” quite like splurging on a $2,000 Ouija Board from GOOP. What do you get when you mix a waning full moon, a three-day election, the looming threat of a novel virus, economic instability, and Gwyneth Paltrow? The GOOP Holiday Gift Guide, of course! It’s here, it’s utterly tone-deaf, and not even the staggering jobless rates and the collapse of small businesses in this country can deter Gwyneth from sharing it. Thank goodness for that.

Yes, GOOP’s “Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide” is back—because the wealthy still have cash to burn. And you bet they’re going to spend it, because simply setting it ablaze would be detrimental to the planet.

Featured Items

Bespoke Bed, $38,000
GOOP X Avocado
Labeled simply as “Bed” on the guide, I initially found this irritating until I clicked the link and discovered the full title: “Bespoke, Artisanal Bed For Conscious Living.” Yes, it really says that. The price starts at $38,000, which in rich-person language means, “You can grab the cheap $38k version, or go all out for something better.”

Carbon Negative Vodka, $75
Air Company
Supposedly eco-friendly, but just wait until you’re at a bar and find yourself ordering “carbon negative vodka straight up.” You’ll wish you hadn’t.

Ouija Board, $1,995
EDIE PARKER
When I was a kid, my friends and I unearthed a Ouija board and tried to contact a ghost named “Jimbo.” He kept saying “Goodbye” until we ran home in tears. Now you can purchase this haunting piece for just two grand, a real bargain for something that could haunt you for years.

Pyramid Commode, $35,000
ELIZABETH PAIGE SMITH
So, a commode isn’t just a toilet; it also refers to a chest of drawers. I’ve never heard anyone refer to it as a “commode” until now. It’s a stunning piece of furniture, but who in their right mind would spend $35,000 on one item when so many are struggling to make ends meet?

Custom Birth Sill, $7,500
STILIYANA MINKOVSKA
This one comes with a full-size man and an actual baby, so it’s kind of a steal.

Watermelon Bag, price available upon request
Tsuchiya Kaban
This leather bag is designed specifically for carrying a full-sized watermelon. The price is “available upon request,” which really means, “You can’t afford this, buddy.”

StudyPod, from $13,600
Study Pod
With my kids making noise while I work from home, I would gladly sell my soul for this Study Pod. Clearly, I was born into the wrong social class.

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In summary, the latest GOOP Holiday Gift Guide is a wild collection of extravagant items that seem out of touch with the current economic climate. From a bespoke bed priced at $38,000 to a luxury Ouija board for $1,995, it’s a showcase of excess that highlights the stark divide in spending habits during tough times.