My son embarked on his high school journey this year, and I had imagined it to be a blend of academic rigor and social excitement. We’re fortunate to live near an excellent public school that offers a demanding curriculum along with a plethora of extracurricular activities. I envisioned him groggily waiting at the bus stop at dawn, shoulders slumped, hands tucked into his pockets. I pictured him adorning his locker with his own artwork, facing late nights of Algebra homework, and shuffling through flashcards to master his Spanish vocabulary. I encouraged him to strive for excellence, especially since achieving a certain GPA in Florida allows access to state universities tuition-free. He, too, felt a mix of enthusiasm and nervousness for this new chapter.
However, my son’s first year of high school has been anything but what we anticipated. His bedroom has transformed into his classroom, his PC is now the whiteboard, and email has replaced face-to-face communication with teachers. While attending traditional school was an option, we collectively decided, considering various factors and our ability to supervise him at both parents’ homes, that virtual schooling would be best.
I entered this new educational landscape believing I understood the adjustments we were making. Sure, we changed his learning environment and the nature of his visual inputs, but school is still school, I convinced myself. I held onto the expectation that he would still work hard and keep his grades up, just as before. With virtual learning, students have the chance to retake assignments and tests up to three times, which I framed as a great opportunity for him to maintain his grades. I thought we could still pursue our original goals despite the new circumstances.
I soon realized I was mistaken. As the semester progressed, my son began to struggle academically. His grades dropped, and the idea of retaking assignments to boost his scores became impractical due to time constraints. I found myself torn between reprimanding him for getting sidetracked by YouTube and understanding that the experience of learning from a screen is vastly different from the engaging in-person instruction he was used to. At one point, I was on the verge of revoking all of his gaming privileges, the last remnant of his social life, until he caught up on his schoolwork. My frustration with his lack of progress clashed with my anger at the distractions that were pulling him away from his studies.
During a routine check-up with my son’s doctor, he opened up about his difficulties with school. Speaking to a neutral party, he articulated his struggles in a way he hadn’t with me. “It feels so different,” he told the doctor. “That’s because it is different,” the doctor replied. “Nothing about this is normal, so we shouldn’t expect it to be. We need to adjust our expectations.” This insight was a relief for both of us. The doctor provided strategies to help my son focus and adjusted his ADHD medication, ensuring he received a small dose in the afternoon when his attention waned. Most importantly, he reminded us that this situation is extraordinary.
Following that, I had a heartfelt conversation with my son about school. He shared how challenging it is to concentrate on words on a screen compared to a teacher standing before him, using gestures and writing on the board to keep engagement. He expressed his frustration over how much this pandemic has taken from him and his peers. While he remains committed to our decision, he longs for the return of in-person learning and the normalcy it provided.
As I connect with other parents, I realize many share similar experiences, regardless of their chosen educational path. Students in traditional schools are navigating a new reality of wearing masks all day, which, while necessary, is uncomfortable. Some classes or entire schools are temporarily closed for quarantines. Not every student has the resources to seamlessly transition between in-person and online learning. A school-provided laptop is useless without stable internet access, creating numerous challenges that hinder our kids’ education.
We must all recalibrate our expectations—of our children, teachers, and what we hope they will achieve this year. Grades shouldn’t be our top priority right now. Standardized testing should be paused. Teachers shouldn’t face evaluations based on expectations that are unrealistic in this unprecedented situation. There’s no established standard for assessing a teacher who is managing both in-person and virtual students simultaneously. We should allow students to do their best while prioritizing mental health over grades. Teachers deserve the freedom to utilize their creativity and resources to engage their students without added pressure. The pandemic itself brings enough stress without imposing unrealistic “normal” expectations on top of it.
If you’re worried about your child lagging behind, I understand—I share those concerns. However, no one is truly falling behind because we are all navigating this together. Take a breath, and show kindness to yourself, your children, their teachers, and school administration. Offer support or a listening ear whenever possible. We are all doing our best in these challenging times, and the expectations we once had for this school year, no matter the grade level, are unlikely to materialize as we envisioned. For now, it’s perfectly acceptable to accept that this is enough.
For more insights, check out this other blog post here and explore resources like Make A Mom for guidance on home insemination, or visit March of Dimes for excellent information on pregnancy.
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Summary:
This article reflects on a parent’s experience navigating their child’s unconventional high school year amid the pandemic. It emphasizes the importance of adjusting expectations for academic performance and mental health, highlighting shared struggles among families. By fostering understanding and support, parents can help their children cope with the realities of this unique educational landscape.
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