One mother is in tears again.
As I cradle my daughter against my chest with one arm, I reach out to hand a rattle to the baby beside us, all while trying to maintain some modesty. Nearby, another mom rummages through her bag, tossing out various items: a shirt, bib, keys, a crushed granola bar, tubes of nipple cream, diaper rash cream, Vaseline, crumpled pediatrician paperwork, wipes, and finally, the last diaper. For the moment, she keeps her own tears in check.
Crying is a common occurrence in a room filled with new mothers, all navigating the emotional rollercoaster of postpartum life—whether from natural childbirth or a C-section. The hormones and overwhelming feelings can lead to self-doubt and an abundance of tears. There’s the struggle of stepping back from a career to care for a little one, or the anxiety of returning to work, fearing it could negatively impact your fragile infant.
On this specific day at our parent-baby group, the source of tears is clear. Let’s call this mom “Work-Returning Mom.” She is upset because she can’t produce enough breast milk.
But I have a solution: I have a growing stash in my freezer.
After the group, I approach Work-Returning Mom to express my sympathy. I offer her a hug and then suggest she take some of my extra milk. While she appreciates the hug, she declines the milk.
You may not know about the extensive community of breastmilk supporters out there, fueled in part by the relentless pressure to breastfeed. There’s a vast network for milk exchange, from milk banks to organized Facebook groups, and many parents sharing their journeys every day.
Like many new moms, I didn’t realize this community existed until I became pregnant and began to think seriously about breastfeeding. Only then did I learn about the numerous benefits of breast milk, the differences in how milk is expressed, and the various terms that promote inclusivity in breastfeeding discussions.
In my case, I had done the calculations and realized I had more than enough milk to spare—but Work-Returning Mom didn’t want it.
Later, another mom, whom I’ll call Nature-Loving Mom, also turned down my offer of milk, despite having reached out to moms in our class for help. Even though my stash was the result of countless hours of pumping, she didn’t want to risk any potential issues that could arise from my medication. I understood her concerns; after all, postpartum depression had led me to take a prescribed antidepressant, which may have found its way into my milk.
Even with my daughter thriving on it, I couldn’t shake off the feelings of guilt. I questioned my choice to use medication and wondered if I could handle everything without it. Would that make me a better mom? A stronger person?
According to resources like the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Psychiatric Association, a significant number of women experience depression during pregnancy or postpartum. Still, societal stigma around mental illness often adds guilt to the mix.
Without my medication, I couldn’t start my mornings with a smile for my daughter; I would be caught in a cycle of negative thoughts. Fortunately, with it, I could engage fully in our daily activities, from long walks to playtime with her favorite characters.
Despite my surplus of milk sitting in my freezer, I felt like it was wasted effort—an unwanted reminder of my struggles. Thankfully, another mom pointed me towards a network of families in need. When I posted about my milk stash late one night, I quickly received responses.
I packed the milk into bags and felt like a covert operative during the exchange. Meeting in a parking lot, I handed over the frozen milk and made a unique connection with another parent.
In the end, my milk was wanted—not just by this mom, but also by my daughter, who is now nearly 15 months old. I appreciate both the milk supply and my medication, which allows me to be present for her.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, consider exploring resources like Thinking About Fertility Treatment and Couples Fertility Journey. They can provide valuable support on your journey.
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In summary, the emotional complexities of motherhood can lead to unexpected challenges, such as having excess breast milk that others may not want. However, with the right resources and community support, it’s possible to find connections that benefit both mothers and babies alike.
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