One of the essential principles of parenting is avoiding comparisons among our children. We shouldn’t measure them against others or even against their siblings. Yet, I find myself struggling with this very issue. I recognize that my children are unique, wonderful individuals, but like any concerned parent, I can’t help but fret about their well-being. I worry about their mental and physical health, whether they’re making friends, and how they cope with challenges—be it emotional, academic, or athletic.
I understand that children need to face obstacles to develop resilience and learn how to bounce back when they stumble. Yet, as a mom, I still find myself worrying. This worry often leads to comparing my kids to their peers and to one another, all in an effort to ensure they’re doing okay.
For instance, my older two kids are quite academically inclined. They adore reading, writing, and anything related to “school.” As a child myself, I shared that passion and ultimately became a teacher. I dreamed of instilling my love for literature and writing in my own students. So, naturally, I relate well to my older kids, and we often bond over our shared interests in books and writing.
Then there’s my youngest, whom we affectionately call our little “gorilla baby.” He’s not particularly fond of reading (which truly breaks my heart) and has a strong aversion to writing. His favorite activities at school include recess, lunch, and P.E., and he often struggles to stay seated, declaring that “sitting is hard.”
So, while my older children could easily write their names and even craft short stories before entering kindergarten, my little gorilla baby was lagging behind. At just four years old, getting him to sit still long enough to pick up a writing tool and write a few letters felt like a monumental task that often required bribing him with sweets. Writing his full name, which has six letters, seemed impossible for him.
Even in kindergarten, he struggled; he often left out the last letter of his name because he simply ran out of steam by the time he got to it. Naturally, as a parent prone to worry and comparison, I found myself stressing about his reluctance or inability to write, especially since many other children his age were already doing so, including his siblings.
Looking back, I wish I could have taken a moment to breathe and remind myself that many children, not just him, can find writing daunting at this age. For instance, according to a recent post from Perth Children’s Occupational Therapy, it’s completely normal for kids aged three to five to struggle with writing. Most kids can’t even form an X until they’re nearly five, and yet, we expect them to tackle complex letters much sooner.
An article from Empowered Parents also supports this, stating that during preschool years, children are often not physically or developmentally ready to write. They may doodle or experiment with letters but shouldn’t be forced to hold a pencil and write properly. This explains why our little ones can feel overwhelmed when asked to sit and write; for many, it’s simply beyond their capabilities.
Challenges in writing extend beyond just hand strength. Many children struggle because they haven’t yet developed the reading skills necessary to write meaningfully. Understanding letters, phonics, and basic reading are essential prerequisites for writing, which many kids in kindergarten are still mastering.
However, if your child, aged three to four, shows an interest in writing letters spontaneously, that’s fantastic! But if they don’t, there’s no need to panic. Unfortunately, there’s a pervasive misconception that earlier is always better, especially given the current educational curriculum. But that’s simply not true.
Pressuring children—like my gorilla baby who finds “sitting” a challenge—to read and write before they’re ready can lead to frustration, make them feel inadequate, and ultimately foster a dislike for learning. And that’s the last thing we want.
This doesn’t mean we should completely stop introducing letters, reading, and writing to our preschoolers. Empowered Parents suggests that there are many fun activities to promote brain development while allowing kids to remain active and playful. For instance, we should frequently expose our children to print—whether it’s books, road signs, or cereal boxes—and model correct letter formation when we write. Playing with letters using blocks or magnets is another enjoyable way to make learning fun, as children learn best through play.
At ages four and five, many kids aren’t able to write letters neatly, and it’s important to keep that in mind. My youngest is now seven and in second grade. He can read and write but still prefers P.E. over any academic activity. He still needs regular breaks to move around, but that’s perfectly fine. He’s doing just great.
If only I could go back in time and reassure that worried mom who fretted over her youngest’s writing skills. I wish I could remind her that her son may have learned to write his name later than his siblings, but at four, he could already throw a baseball like a pro, devour an entire plate of salmon, and delight everyone with his sharp sense of humor. At that age, he was exactly who he was meant to be, and I should have cherished that simplicity instead of fretting over missing letters.
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Summary:
It’s completely normal for pre-K children to struggle with writing. Many kids aged three to five face challenges in this area due to physical and developmental factors. While some children may take to writing easily, others may take longer. Parents should avoid comparing their children to siblings or peers and instead focus on fostering a love for learning through playful activities and exposure to letters and reading.
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