“I can’t stand this family!” my son yells, stomping off to his room and trying to slam the door shut. When it doesn’t latch properly, he wails as though he’s been deeply wronged. The only thing truly damaged is his pride — and my sanity.
No, this isn’t my preteen throwing a fit. The one having an epic meltdown over my announcement that it’s time to change into pajamas is my preschooler. Thankfully, this isn’t my first time navigating these turbulent waters. As a mother of four, my youngest is currently in the throes of toddler tantrums. But regardless of my experience, their outbursts can push me to my limit.
Does something magical happen when a child turns one? Is there a switch that flips, transforming our sweet angels into little beings hell-bent on testing our patience? I suspect mothers have pondered this mystery since the dawn of parenting.
If managing a young child makes you feel like escaping, know you’re not alone. Even as a seasoned parent, the typical behaviors can drive me up the wall. One moment, my child is joyfully silly; the next, they’re a whirlwind of emotions.
Most days, I try to go with the flow. I know my child will eventually calm down and we’ll be able to talk things through. But on other days, I feel like I’m part of a bizarre parenting experiment where I’m constantly tested.
Understanding Toddler Tantrums
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: toddlers are naturally curious, which leads to messes and mistakes. Tantrums are a normal part of their development, and they’re not trying to be frustrating. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) explains that many tantrums arise from their inability to express their wants verbally.
They recommend responding positively when children use happy sounds or words to gain attention. We should ensure we give our kiddos eye contact and a calm voice, modeling the respectful communication we wish to see from them. We can lead by example by actively listening.
The Concept of Purposeful Parenting
Moreover, the concept of “Purposeful Parenting” involves considering what we want for our children. If our goal is to raise healthy, happy, and productive adults, we must start that journey now. Kids naturally want to learn, and it’s our responsibility to guide them. Keep in mind that even with the best strategies, tantrums will still happen. Instead of resisting their natural inclinations, we can work alongside them to teach coping and communication skills.
Purposeful Parenting encompasses six key principles: protective, personal, progressive, positive, playful, and purposeful.
- Protective: We must meet our children’s basic needs while establishing realistic boundaries. It’s essential to give them some freedom without being overly permissive.
- Personal: Accept our children as they are and avoid labeling them based on temporary behaviors. Instead, focus on naming the feelings and behaviors, teaching them how to express their emotions appropriately.
- Progressive: Adapt to our child’s developmental stage, adjusting discipline strategies and learning more about child development to reduce frustration.
- Positive: Discourage physical punishment, which can lead to stress and fear in children. Promoting optimism can reduce stress and build self-confidence.
- Playful: Engage with our kids in fun activities, such as reading. Letting them lead the play and giving them our full attention strengthens our bond.
- Purposeful: Be mindful of our child’s needs and intentionally strive to meet them, even in tough moments.
Uncovering Underlying Needs
We must remember that all actions stem from a desire or necessity, including our children’s behaviors. We should aim to uncover the underlying needs behind our toddlers’ actions. For instance, a tantrum could simply mean they’re tired, anxious, or seeking attention. Since toddlers often lack the words to articulate their needs, parents must think critically and ask questions to encourage healthy dialogue rather than resort to yelling or punitive measures.
Reading these insights can feel overwhelming. Parenting is a complex and evolving journey, particularly when managing a child who seems to thrive on chaos. However, I’ve decided to channel my energy toward teaching my child how to cope and communicate, rather than fighting against their natural tendencies.
Further Reading
If you are looking for more information on related topics, check out this other blog post for more insights.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting toddlers can be frustrating, especially during tantrums. Understanding that these behaviors stem from developmental stages can help parents respond more effectively. By adopting the principles of Purposeful Parenting—protective, personal, progressive, positive, playful, and purposeful—parents can better meet their child’s needs and teach them essential skills for coping and communication. Emphasizing positive interactions and mindful responses can create a more harmonious family environment.
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