50+ Hiss-terical Snake Jokes and Puns That Will Make You Slither with Laughter

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Is your child obsessed with snakes and all things slithery? Do they constantly ask to watch videos about pythons and boa constrictors? If you’re trying to conquer your childhood fear of snakes, you might want to embrace this newfound interest. While we don’t suggest bringing a snake into your home, you can certainly support their fascination with some amusing snake puns and jokes! Who knows, they might enjoy these chuckles more than the idea of having a real python as a pet. Or maybe they’ll find your jokes so amusing that they’ll switch their interest to kittens instead! Either way, we’ve compiled a delightful collection of snake-related humor, along with a few nods to the Slytherin house—perfect for your next Harry Potter viewing spree.

And if you’re on the hunt for more animal-themed jokes, check out our extensive collection featuring cows, pigs, owls, giraffes, and more!

1. Why don’t snakes enjoy coffee? Because it makes them viperactive.
2. What do snakes use to clean their car windows? Windscreen vipers.
3. What’s a snake’s favorite TV show? Monty Python.
4. What do you call a snake that constructs things? A boa constructor.
5. How do venomous snakes take down their prey? In cold blood.
6. What do you get by crossing two snakes with magic? Addercadabra and abradacobra.
7. How does a snake shoot something? With a boa and arrow.
8. What do you call a collection of snakes and a pantry of food? Snakes and Larders.
9. What do you call a baking snake? A pie-thon.
10. What’s a comedic snake called? Hissssssterical.
11. What do married snakes have on their towels? “Hiss” and “Herss.”
12. Why are snakes hard to trick? They have no legs to pull.
13. Why was the snake angry at the jewel thief? He wanted his diamondback.
14. Which snake plays in a rock band? A rattlesnake.
15. What do you give a sick snake? Asp-rin.
16. How do you revive a snake that appears dead? With mouse-to-mouth resuscitation.
17. What do you call a snake working for the government? A civil serpent.
18. What did the mommy snake tell her baby? “Stop crying and viper your nose.”
19. Why did the snake cross the road? To reach the other ssssssssside.
20. Who is a snake’s favorite author? William Snakespeare.
21. What type of snake is a baby’s favorite toy? A rattlesnake.
22. A snake walks into a bar. Bartender says, “How did you do that?”
23. Why do snakes measure in inches? They don’t have feet.
24. What did the snake give her boyfriend? A goodnight hiss.
25. What did the snake whisper to the kids at the library? “Ssssss.”
26. What do you get when you combine a snake and a plane? A Boeing constrictor.
27. What’s another term for a python? A mega-bite.
28. What do you call an important English snake? Sir Pent.
29. Why shouldn’t you use a snake as a boomerang? It will always come back to bite you.
30. What’s a snake’s go-to dance? The snake, rattle, and roll.
31. What do snakes do when angry? They throw hissy fits.
32. What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisstory.
33. Nobody wants to jam to White Snake with me, so here I go again on my own.
34. A sheep, a drum, and a snake tumble off a cliff. Bah-dum-tiss.
35. What do you get when you mix a rabbit and a snake? A jump rope.
36. Why can’t a snake rob a bank? They are unarmed.
37. A drum set and a snake fall off a cliff. The drummer and pet shop owner are very sad.
38. After the flood, Noah found a pair of snakes on the ark. “Why are you still here?” he asked. “It’s safe now. Go forth! And multiply!” The snakes looked confused. “But… we’re adders.”
39. A jellyfish, a snake, and a snail walk into a bar. The jellyfish says, “This is impossible.”
40. What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long? A “Pi”-thon.
41. My girlfriend is a snake; when asked whose fault it is, she hisses, “HISSSSSSSSSS.”
42. Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?” Patient: “It looked like an angry rope.”
43. I was mugged by a cobra once in the park. I wouldn’t recognize it again; it was wearing a hood.
44. A Boy Scout asks, “Is this snake poisonous?” The scout leader replies, “No, it’s venomous.”
45. What kind of letters does a snake receive from admirers? Fang letters.
46. What do you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.
47. Why shouldn’t you weigh a snake? They have their own scales.
48. What do you call a snake that’s shed its skin? Snaked.
49. What’s a snake’s favorite dance? The mamba.
50. Why did Woody wear sneakers? There was a snake in his boot.
51. What kind of car does a snake drive? An ana-honda.

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In summary, this collection of snake puns and jokes is sure to bring a smile to your child’s face and spark their interest in the animal kingdom. With a mix of humor and clever wordplay, these jokes can help you bond with your little one and potentially steer their interest toward other fun topics.