Every once in a while, I stumble upon a social media post or article where a parent laments the lack of help from their family in keeping the home tidy. The author often mentions they are “rage cleaning,” having reached a breaking point and decided to tackle the mess themselves. Typically, it’s a mother who has had enough of the clutter in her teenager’s room or bathroom, vowing to take matters into her own hands. “When will this kid learn?” she questions, likely with a hint of exasperation and a wild glint in her eye.
While that question may be rhetorical, if it were directed at me, I’d respond with “never.” As long as she continues to clean up after them, her child will never learn to take responsibility. People naturally gravitate towards maintaining a status quo that benefits them, and kids are no exception.
Sometimes, rage-cleaning is simply a mindless act of tidying as a way to channel frustration that seems to have nowhere else to go. But cleaning out of fury regarding your family’s lack of contribution? That’s a different story altogether. Parents, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t act as if you have exhausted all options. Assign chores to your capable kids! Even young children can manage age-appropriate tasks. No one person should bear the full burden of keeping a home clean when other able-bodied individuals reside there too.
I’ve heard some parents justify their teenager’s mess because they are “too busy” or “stressed out.” I understand that kids today often have packed schedules, and during a pandemic, they might be facing added pressures, but chores are still essential. They are not just “helping out”; they’re fundamental life skills, much like brushing teeth or tying shoelaces. Plus, they provide a needed sense of routine and normalcy, particularly during times of uncertainty.
I can relate to rage-cleaning. Usually, it’s my own closet that drives me to such extremes, whether it’s the pile of clothes I’m convinced I’ll fit into again or the stack of Amazon boxes I’ve been saving for “Christmas,” even though the reality is I only need a few. My personal clutter ignites my frustration. However, when it comes to the rest of the house, I share that responsibility with my kids. Their rooms and bathroom? I leave those alone. I refuse to rage-clean someone else’s mess, and no other parent should feel compelled to do so either.
When my kids were younger, we had a chore chart on the fridge. No screen time until chores were done. Now, they know the routine, and if they forget, I simply remind them what needs to be done from across the house. Occasionally, they push back, but they quickly learn that the “you live here, you help” lecture, coupled with the threat of losing screen time, usually gets them moving.
Chores are not up for negotiation. If you live in a house, you pitch in, period. It’s just me and my kids, no partner to split the work. Thankfully, our small house makes cleaning manageable, but that doesn’t exempt them from contributing. I expect them to clean, and since they are now 14 and 10, I also expect quality work. I inspect their bathroom after they’ve cleaned, calling them back to address any missed spots. If they sweep or vacuum and overlook areas, I make them redo it. For a while, my son would place freshly washed pots and pans right-side up instead of upside-down for draining. I always called him back to correct it because I want him to know how to do things properly before he heads into adulthood.
I assure you, I’m not as strict as it may sound — I let some minor issues slide if the overall job is well done. I just want my kids to put in effort and learn how to clean a house thoroughly before they become adults. I refuse to let them slack off, allowing my frustration to boil over into rage-cleaning.
Does this mean my home is spotless? Certainly not. We have clutter, dust, and laundry baskets that sometimes sit unfolded for a few days like any other family. But it does mean my home is generally tidy enough, and I’m never pushed to the point of rage-cleaning. I dislike seeing fellow parents feel the weight of household cleaning resting solely on their shoulders or feeling taken advantage of by their kids.
If your family’s mess is making you feel overwhelmed, take action and assign them cleaning tasks! Create a list to simplify the process for your novice helpers if necessary. A good strategy is to change the WiFi password as a motivator. No one should be driven to rage-clean due to family members slacking off. Transition from rage-cleaning to rage-delegating. After all, we have to start somewhere, right?
For more information on parenting and household management, check out this article and for additional resources, visit here.
Summary
The article discusses the phenomenon of “rage cleaning,” where parents, particularly mothers, feel overwhelmed by their family’s mess and decide to clean out of frustration. The author emphasizes the importance of delegating chores to children, even young ones, to teach them responsibility and ensure a manageable household. By establishing routines and expectations, parents can avoid the cycle of rage-cleaning and foster a collaborative cleaning environment. The piece encourages parents not to shoulder the entire burden of household upkeep and provides practical tips for involving children in chores.
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