When I began my family with my former partner, we both agreed that I would take on the role of stay-at-home parent while he focused on establishing his business. I felt fortunate — I had witnessed many working mothers struggle, often arriving at the office in tears. I remember one colleague who had to bring her young child to work and nearly faced termination for it. She was caught in a bind between unreliable childcare and her husband’s unpredictable fire department schedule. The mothers I knew didn’t pretend to have it all together; they simply tried their best and often berated themselves for not succeeding.
As I settled into my role at home, I quickly realized I was working harder and longer than ever before. If I had also been employed outside the home, I would have been overwhelmed. During those years, a part of my husband seemed to fade away. I distinctly recall him getting frustrated when I asked him to change a light bulb after a long day. He was exhausted, having poured all his energy into work, leaving little for family responsibilities. He struggled even with simple tasks like grocery shopping or preparing dinner.
While he worked diligently to provide for us, it left me carrying the entire household load — cooking, cleaning, shopping, managing the children’s appointments, and coordinating our social life. I wasn’t alone in this; many mothers I spoke with shared similar experiences. One friend mentioned that when she returned to work, instead of stepping up to help, her husband suggested she adapt to a messier home.
The reality is, the traditional 40-hour workweek wasn’t designed for those trying to juggle multiple responsibilities, especially mothers. In fact, most of us work beyond those hours — and that doesn’t even factor in commuting time if you work outside the home.
This sentiment resonated widely on social media, especially as the holiday season approaches, a time when many moms feel pressured to create unforgettable experiences for their children. It’s essential to remember that the 40-hour workweek originated in a time when men were typically the breadwinners, leaving women to manage the home. While societal views on women working have evolved, the expectations regarding domestic duties have not.
Moms shouldn’t be expected to balance a full-time job with the demands of parenting and household management. That’s essentially triple the workload, which realistically requires three individuals, not just one. Many mothers struggle with feelings of inadequacy if they can’t return home with the energy to prepare elaborate meals, maintain a tidy space, engage in quality family time, and also prioritize self-care and their relationship.
One comment from a reader struck a chord: “It may be too late for some, but let’s ensure our daughters and granddaughters aren’t trapped in the cycle of trying to do it all. I’m unafraid to ask my partner to help; he has his own responsibilities too.” This is precisely the message we need to pass on to the next generation.
Another reader raised an important question: “Why do women feel like failures when housework is incomplete or meals aren’t prepared? Men don’t seem to carry that burden.” This outdated perception of “women’s work” needs to evolve. While some men have embraced a more equal partnership, many still cling to traditional roles. This disparity is why we see so many stressed, overburdened mothers.
My ex-husband never expressed feelings of guilt about not doing more around the house. It wasn’t until he had the kids part-time after our divorce that he truly understood the extent of what I managed to accomplish.
So, to all the mothers out there: stop beating yourself up for a messy house or for not cooking dinner every night. Don’t feel inadequate when you see a social media post that makes someone else appear like they have it all together — chances are, they’re simply having a good day. You have every right to say no, to ask for assistance, and to adjust your expectations. Men often unwind after a long day, so why shouldn’t we allow ourselves that same grace?
Remember, there’s only one of you, and if your children had a choice, they would prefer a happy mom over a perfectly organized home.
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In summary, the traditional workweek was not designed with the complexities of motherhood in mind. Mothers often find themselves juggling multiple roles, leading to feelings of inadequacy. It’s crucial to challenge these outdated expectations and foster a more equitable division of responsibilities at home.
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