Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders and Body Image Issues
Compliments have always made me uncomfortable. The reason behind this discomfort often feels like a topic for therapy — or perhaps the foundation for another article. Yet, a recent compliment truly left me reeling. Just four words shook my very foundation. Why? Because they were misleading and simply untrue.
What were these words? A friend I hadn’t seen in months exclaimed, “Wow! You look fantastic.” That was it. Game over. Checkmate.
I know what you might be thinking: How trivial. How harmless. But understanding this individual well, I knew what they really meant. Physically, I appeared better. Since March, I’ve shed pounds, but being praised for my looks troubled me immensely — because I’m not healthy.
I’m struggling.
My weight loss has been driven by grief, anger, and depression. After my mother’s sudden passing in June, I opened up to my husband about my sexuality in July. Coupled with the mental strain of the pandemic, I’ve felt hopeless and trapped. Old eating habits have resurfaced, and a long-dormant eating disorder has returned.
My mornings begin with a black iced coffee, followed by 20 ounces of water to suppress my appetite. I meticulously count the hours between meals, practicing intermittent fasting. I indulge only in low or no-fat foods, measuring every morsel I consume — ten pretzels, five strawberries, three olives, half a cup of yogurt. If I eat breakfast, I deny myself lunch. Dinner often goes unfinished. I also exercise obsessively.
Logging over 50 miles a week has become effortless for me. Although I tell myself it’s for mental health — which, in part, it is — it also stems from an obsession with weight. I despise my stomach and thighs, and being thin has become my life’s focus.
I’ve spent years chasing an unattainable ideal of “perfection.”
There’s a term for my struggles: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). This mental health issue is marked by obsessive, negative thoughts about one’s appearance. “BDD is characterized by persistent concerns about perceived flaws, significantly interfering with daily life,” explains therapist Sarah Mitchell from New York City. This rings true for me.
My days revolve around workouts and food. I’ve missed precious family moments due to my obsession with exercise. Before the pandemic, I avoided social gatherings that revolved around food. Fatigue weighs me down, leaving me exhausted and apathetic. I scrutinize nutrition labels and push through pain, as my mindset becomes increasingly distorted and addictive. I crave the feeling of control and perfection.
I’m not alone in this struggle. Mitchell highlights that addictive behaviors are common among those with disordered eating. “People can become addicted to exercise, eating, or not eating,” she states. “When these habits disrupt daily functioning, it signals a developing problem.”
So, what can one do? According to Mitchell, it’s vital to seek help if these issues linger. “Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for accountability.” And she’s right. I need to take her advice. From the outside, no one realizes the battle I’m facing — not my husband, my best friend, or even my therapist. I’ve kept my struggles hidden, but it’s time to confront them. I deserve happiness and health.
If you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder, this article from Home Insemination Kit covers important insights. For more resources, visit Women’s Health for valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination, and check out Make a Mom for expert advice on insemination kits.
Potential Search Queries:
- Signs of unhealthy weight loss
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Summary:
This article explores the troubling reality of unhealthy weight loss and the complexities surrounding it. The author shares a personal journey of dealing with grief and an eating disorder, highlighting the impact of societal pressures and personal struggles on body image. It emphasizes the importance of seeking help and addressing mental health issues, underlining that not all weight loss is a sign of health.
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