I have a confession: I write fan fiction. And not just any fan fiction, but the steamy kind. This year alone, I’ve penned over 175,000 words, with many of them diving into sexually explicit territory. For someone who grew up in a conservative environment where sex was taboo, it feels like a significant breakthrough.
As a child, long before I even realized what fan fiction was, I would daydream about pop stars and characters from my favorite shows. I was always curious about sex, often sneaking into the romance section of the library without ever daring to check out the books. The stigma surrounding sex left me feeling ashamed, especially growing up in a strict Taiwanese Christian household where discussions about desire were practically forbidden.
Fast forward to my 40s, and I’m no longer ashamed. In fact, I’ve become quite vocal about my thoughts on sexuality, especially when it comes to my obsession with K-pop band BTS. As a writer who has dabbled in both non-explicit and explicit fan fiction, it’s only natural that my work has evolved to encompass more adult themes — especially during these trying times.
While some may view fan fiction as a lesser form of art, I find it to be a vital outlet that has honed my writing skills and allowed me to explore my own desires and beliefs about consent in a safe space. Many popular franchises, like “50 Shades of Grey,” originated from fan fiction, which shows the potential for these stories to reach wider audiences.
It’s amusing to see how fan fiction has become mainstream, with channels even producing films based on fan-created narratives. Yet there’s still a stigma around the sexual content. Why is that? I write about characters, and some of those characters engage in sex. It’s a natural part of storytelling, even if it’s not always reflective of my personal experiences.
As I delve into writing about sexuality, I realize that I want to see more diverse representations of people — especially middle-aged individuals who don’t always fit the conventional mold. With a desire to portray real-life scenarios, I’ve taken matters into my own hands by creating stories that resonate with my experiences.
I’ll admit, I’m quite vanilla when it comes to my own sex life, preferring the idea of writing and reading about sex over participating in it. After a busy day of caring for my family, the thought of considering someone else’s needs during intimate moments can feel overwhelming. However, that doesn’t mean I shy away from discussing sex or creating narratives around it.
Yes, I have a fulfilling sex life with my husband, but that’s not the focus here. Writing about sex does not necessitate an examination of my personal life. It’s about exploring desires, understanding consent, and challenging societal norms.
Through this journey, I’ve come to realize that writing about sex has allowed me to reflect on my own values and beliefs. It’s a process that involves examining biases regarding casual sex, consent, and more. By questioning the tropes I use and conducting research on various topics, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of my own desires and boundaries.
Ultimately, writing fan fiction has not only been a creative outlet but also a means of self-discovery. If it leads to more fulfilling experiences in my real life? Well, that’s just a bonus.
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