By: Jamie Thompson
Updated: Jan. 6, 2021
On Christmas morning, I decided to check in with my sister about her day. Her kids are a bit younger than mine, and I assumed they would’ve woken her up bright and early to dive into their gifts. I was mistaken. My dear sister was nearly in tears, saying, “It just isn’t the same anymore. They don’t seem to care. They didn’t even want to leave cookies or a note for Santa, and we had to wake them up this morning.”
This immediately took me back to about four years ago when my own children started to change. At first, I felt a sense of relief—no more Santa secrets, no more hiding the elf, and no more sneaking into their rooms at night to leave money for lost teeth. However, along with that relief came the realization that a magical phase of my relationship with my children was slipping away.
As I sat on my couch texting my sister while my teenagers were up in their rooms engaged in their own activities, it struck me: this was the first year I didn’t experience the turmoil my sister was facing. It was the first time in years that I didn’t feel like I had a deep emotional wound from my kids growing out of our old traditions.
My sister asked if I had struggled as much this year, and I reassured her that I had. I told her to brace herself for the next few years as her kids continue to pull away, dismissing everything as ‘lame’ and no longer getting excited about the things that used to thrill them.
When they’re younger, there’s a spark in them that makes us excited to hide Easter eggs, wrap gifts, decorate the house, or throw them themed birthday parties. It allows us to connect with our own childhoods and create meaningful memories for them. But when that spark dims and they seem to outgrow us, it can be incredibly disheartening. We’re left with sighs instead of squeals, indifference instead of excitement, and moody kids who are too busy for family traditions.
The transformation our pre-teens and teens go through is vast and overwhelming. It feels like a significant loss for parents, and often it seems like our kids just don’t care. They want to grow up, interact with their friends, and slowly detach from the family unit, which can be truly heart-wrenching for us.
It marks the conclusion of a chapter and serves as a poignant reminder that things will never be the same again. Watching my children grow and slowly distance themselves from me has been one of the loneliest experiences of my life. No one prepared me for this reality. Even if they had, I don’t think it would have made it any easier to navigate.
I feel a deep sadness for myself, but also for them, knowing that their innocence and childhood magic have faded. I can’t recreate those moments no matter how hard I try. My sister is just starting to grapple with these feelings, and I empathize with her; it’s a long, challenging journey toward acceptance.
However, this past Christmas morning, my oldest son came into my room at 6:30, claiming he was hungry and wondered when I would be putting the French toast casserole in the oven. But perhaps he was also missing a bit of that childhood magic. It wasn’t the same as when he was younger and would burst in, eager to see if Santa had come, but I’ll take what I can get to remind me that no matter how much they pull away, they’re still my babies.
If you’re interested in exploring more about family dynamics and parenting during these challenging years, check out one of our other blog posts here. For authoritative information on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. Additionally, Resolve provides excellent resources on pregnancy and family-building options.
Probable Search Queries:
- How to cope with pre-teen changes
- The emotional impact of growing up on parents
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- Maintaining family traditions with older kids
- Understanding the pre-teen transition
Summary:
The pre-teen years can be emotionally challenging for parents as children start to pull away and lose their childhood magic. Traditions that once brought joy may fade, leaving parents feeling heartbroken and lonely. However, small moments can still remind us of our bond with our children, even as they grow and change.
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