In this installment of our advice column, we tackle the questions that swirl around life, love, body image, and everything else that can leave you scratching your head. This week, we explore how to respond when your partner suggests plastic surgery for a “problem area” that you don’t even see as a problem.
Hi Home Insemination Kit,
I’m eight months postpartum with my third child, and I’ve had two C-sections. We’re done having kids now, but recently my partner suggested I consider a “mommy makeover” to address my post-C-section FUPA. I was taken aback and honestly offended by this. I’ve never expressed any desire for plastic surgery to “fix” anything about myself. He said he thought I wanted my pre-baby body back and that he would support me in that. When I asked if he wanted me to go through with the surgery, he admitted, “well, yeah,” but said it was ultimately my choice. This has really impacted my self-esteem. I always thought having a FUPA was normal and perfectly fine—I wasn’t bothered by it until now. What should I say to him? How can I regain my love for my body after this hurtful comment? I feel so upset.
Wait. What?
Seriously, what kind of audacity does that take? How could he think it’s acceptable to suggest that his wife—the mother of his three children—should undergo surgery to change her body? This is a stunning lack of understanding. You never brought this up, and he thought this would be a good conversation? Has he ever really thought about what women go through?
You are absolutely right that a FUPA is completely normal, and your body’s changes after giving birth are a testament to your strength and beauty. You’ve had three children and two surgical births—that’s impressive! Your body is a celebration of what you’ve accomplished.
If this surgery was your idea, I’d be all for it. You are perfect as you are! If you had decided on your own to consult a qualified plastic surgeon and wanted to go ahead, I’d support your choice to do what makes you feel happy in your own skin.
But your partner is a man, and he has no idea what it’s like to live in a post-baby body. It’s infuriating that his thoughtless comment has affected how you view yourself. I’m tempted to suggest you make a list of all the ways he could alter his own body for your amusement, but let’s be adults here.
You need to tell him that his comment was immature and hurtful. You felt fine about your body before he made you self-conscious. If he has issues with your FUPA, that’s something he needs to deal with on his own. You brought children into this world, and if he thought your body would look the same afterward, he’s the one who needs a reality check, not you.
So, embrace that FUPA with pride and let him stew in the consequences of his words for a while. He may be a decent guy, but he really messed up, and he needs to understand that.
If you want to read more about navigating your fertility journey, check out this excellent resource on IVF and fertility preservation. And for those exploring options in home insemination, consider checking out this insightful article on Couples’ fertility journeys.
Search Queries:
- How to handle partner’s comments on body image
- Is a FUPA normal after pregnancy?
- Coping with self-esteem issues postpartum
- Discussing body changes with your spouse
- Support for postpartum body image
Summary:
This advice column addresses a woman’s concerns after her partner suggests she undergo liposuction to address a post-pregnancy body change. The response highlights the normalcy of body changes after childbirth, encourages self-acceptance, and emphasizes the importance of communicating feelings with one’s partner. It reinforces that a woman’s body is a testament to her strength and should not be subjected to unsolicited suggestions for surgery.
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