Parenting
Have a Family Member with Anxiety? Establish a Safe Word
By Alex Johnson
Jan. 7, 2021
I recently shared on my blog about my overwhelming anxiety during Christmas Day. There wasn’t a clear reason for it; I simply woke up feeling anxious, and that feeling lingered as I watched my partner and children unwrap their gifts, filled with joy and laughter on what is meant to be one of the happiest days of the year.
To be honest, I anticipated this feeling. My partner had spent the previous month in the hospital, and during those three weeks, I was too busy to process my emotions. The anxiety typically surfaces later, once life has calmed down, but I had hoped it would wait until after the holidays. But alas, that wasn’t the case.
I plastered on a smile, not wanting to spoil the day for my family. I didn’t want to shift the focus onto myself, so I opened my gifts and tried to act normally, all while feeling disconnected, trapped in my anxiety, and trying my best to be strong for my kids.
It turns out that many people experience anxiety during the holiday season. After my blog post, I received numerous messages, but one particularly resonated with me. It was from a mother thanking me for sharing my experience. She explained that it helped her understand her daughter, who also battles anxiety, and prompted them to create a “safe” word that her daughter could text her when she needed a break from a situation.
As someone who has dealt with anxiety for years, I found myself questioning why I hadn’t thought of this before. While many parents advise their teens to text them an “X” when they need an exit from an uncomfortable social situation, I had never considered applying this concept to my own anxiety.
For far too long, I’ve tried to push through my anxiety, putting on a brave face and pretending everything is fine when it’s not. I often feel pressured to conform socially and tend to say things like “I’m tired” or “I have a lot on my mind” instead of openly discussing my anxiety, which can be challenging to articulate. Especially during the holidays, when it’s easy for others to question, “Why would you feel anxious? It’s Christmas!”
Having a safe word would offer a straightforward way to communicate with my partner. I could text her a simple phrase that would explain my need to step outside for a moment, go into another room, take a stroll, or even leave a gathering early. This would allow me to manage my anxiety without the awkwardness of disappearing unexpectedly or causing confusion. It would empower me to utilize the coping strategies I’ve learned over the years in therapy.
This idea is not limited to just holiday gatherings. While COVID-19 has limited social opportunities, those situations will return, and having a safe word will be beneficial.
If you have a loved one who struggles with anxiety, I highly recommend creating a similar system. They will likely appreciate it more than you realize. It will offer them the freedom to exit a situation when feeling anxious, take the time they need to regroup, and return with a clearer mindset.
Most importantly, establishing this safe word tells your loved one that you recognize their mental health challenges and are there to support them unconditionally. As someone who has faced mental health difficulties for much of my life, I can say that this understanding is one of the most valuable gifts you can give.
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Summary:
Creating a safe word for family members dealing with anxiety can significantly enhance communication and support during challenging times. This simple concept allows individuals to step away from overwhelming situations without feeling awkward or misunderstood. It emphasizes understanding and compassion for mental health struggles, fostering a supportive environment for loved ones.
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