Navigating Friendships as an LGBTQ Parent During COVID-19

Building friendships can be challenging at any stage of life, but the task feels even more daunting now. My closest companions are mostly from my college days, along with a few I’ve met through various jobs. Since stepping into parenthood, I’ve deliberately kept my social circle small—surrounding myself with individuals who truly understand the complexities of being a gay parent.

With COVID-19 showing no signs of disappearing anytime soon, I find that my friendships now mostly thrive through text messages. As we strive to create a sense of normalcy for our children and support their social interactions, I often question whether it’s worth the effort to forge new friendships with other parents. The answer remains elusive.

Making new friends is draining, and nurturing those relationships can be a time-consuming endeavor. From the very start of parenthood, it can feel isolating. When my kids began daycare, I hoped to connect with other parents during drop-off and pick-up, but that never materialized for me. A significant part of me feels pressured to expand my social circle, perhaps exacerbated by our recent isolation. Plus, as an introvert, the challenge feels even greater.

Searching online for tips on “how to make friends with other parents” leads me to a helpful New York Times article that outlines a few strategies. The top three suggestions are: “start close to home,” “make the first conversational move,” and “join an online parenting group that suits your needs.” This approach reminds me of the awkwardness of online dating—initially uncomfortable until you find your groove. However, the pandemic complicates this even further.

One mom, Lena Rodriguez, shares her experience of not making any new parent friends since the onset of the pandemic. “There’s nowhere I feel comfortable gathering,” she explained. “At daycare, our child is handed off at the door, and we’ve never seen inside the building. This limits interactions significantly.” It’s true that safety concerns impact how we approach new friendships. The subtle cues of connection, often reliant on facial expressions, become harder to read when masked.

Initiating conversations—often the hardest step in forming new friendships—becomes even more daunting. We must communicate effectively to gauge the kind of person we’re dealing with, which can be nerve-wracking for anyone, especially for those in the LGBTQ community. There’s always a fear of encountering closed-mindedness, and we also worry about how their children will interact with ours. The necessity of social distancing adds another layer of difficulty.

One piece of advice from the New York Times article that resonated with me is to approach conversations without expectations. Melanie Dale, author of “Women Are Scary: The Totally Awkward Adventure of Finding Mom Friends,” notes that if another mom declines an invitation, it may not be personal; she could simply be busy or hesitant due to past experiences. This perspective helps me to avoid disappointment and not take it to heart if a conversation doesn’t develop into a friendship.

I often find myself reluctant to invest time in others who might not reciprocate. As a gay parent, I tend to have high standards for those I let into my life. Yet, perhaps this pandemic teaches me to lower my expectations and adopt a more flexible approach to making connections—if I decide to pursue friendship at all.

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Summary

Making friends as an LGBTQ parent, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic, presents unique challenges. While maintaining existing friendships has become primarily digital, the prospect of forming new connections feels increasingly daunting. Safety concerns and social distancing disrupt traditional avenues for meeting other parents, making the process feel awkward and fraught with uncertainty. However, approaching new interactions without expectations may offer some relief and flexibility in navigating these relationships.