As parents, it’s natural to desire the best for our children and to wish for their happiness. However, there are times when those aspirations seem to clash. I strive for my kids to be compassionate, diligent, joyful, and determined. I want them to experience the fulfillment that comes from pursuing their passions. Yet, my teenager’s ideal life appears to revolve around video games, binge-watching shows, and goofing off with friends. For him, happiness means hours of Xbox with snacks at his side—his interests don’t extend to playing the guitar, reading young adult novels, coding, or mastering sports skills.
Sometimes, I worry that his “thing” might just be coasting through life without truly engaging in meaningful activities. His main source of joy seems to be hanging out with friends and playing video games, and he admits he’s not particularly skilled at them; he simply enjoys the experience. This concern leaves me pondering whether we should encourage him to explore more structured activities. Should we limit his gaming time, which has become his primary social outlet during the pandemic? Should we insist he read before bed or join more sports teams? Should we incentivize him with a new phone for achieving good grades or dedicating time to basketball practice?
I know many parents who embrace this approach. As someone raised in the ’80s, I grew up with a strong work ethic and high expectations, often driven by both internal and external motivations. I sometimes question whether I should push my son more until he discovers his own passion and develops intrinsic motivation. However, my intuition suggests otherwise.
I have a feeling that allowing him to simply be himself is the right choice. The societal pressure to find a passion often equates our worth with our productivity, leading us to feel as if we must always strive for more. My heart tells me that my seemingly “ordinary” teen is actually quite remarkable in the most important ways.
Despite his lack of standout achievements in academics, athletics, or music, my son embodies happiness. He is genuinely one of the happiest teens I know. He often expresses, without prompting, how much he loves his life. Just today, I saw him jumping for joy. His happiness radiates beyond himself; he is compassionate and caring, frequently telling me and my partner, “I love you,” in front of his friends. Just last week, he acknowledged my hard work by saying, “Wow, you really work hard, take care of us, and volunteer too…wow.” Being recognized by your teen is truly a rewarding experience.
As I observe my son, I can’t help but reflect on my own teenage years. I was a diligent student and a committed athlete, often training for hours each day. While I was a good kid and considered myself reasonably content, I never openly declared my joy for life. I had a strong bond with my parents and valued their support, but I rarely voiced my feelings or gratitude to them. In this regard, I find my son to be extraordinary.
While I see friends celebrating their children’s achievements—be it in sports, academics, or music—I don’t feel resentment. Instead, I wonder if we’ve been conditioned to believe that success is solely defined by grades, talent, and athletic accomplishments. What about teens who are content with just getting by? Should we push them to reach their potential, or should we find peace in their happiness? Personally, I choose to nurture the joy within my teen that remains untouched by societal pressures. If that means indulging his love for laughter and binge-watching shows, then so be it.
This doesn’t imply that we allow him to neglect responsibilities. He still needs to manage his schoolwork, engage in physical activity, and keep his space tidy. However, if he’s not inclined to pursue extra efforts to excel at something, that’s alright. Because, in the grand scheme of things, while my children may seem ordinary by conventional standards, they are truly extraordinary in the aspects that matter most.
For further insights into parenting and happiness, you might want to check out this other blog post, or explore CCRM IVF’s blog for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, Make a Mom provides valuable information for couples on their fertility journey.
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In summary, while it’s natural to desire success and achievement for our teens, we must also recognize and celebrate their inherent joy, empathy, and happiness. Fostering a supportive environment that prioritizes their well-being may lead to remarkable outcomes, even if they appear ordinary at first glance.
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