As a mom who came out as a lesbian at 37, I faced many challenges, especially after my marriage ended. However, I found a life that resonates with my true self—a journey that has allowed me to experience the world as both a straight and an openly lesbian mom. My experiences have shown me that many of my fellow suburban moms have limited exposure to LGBTQ individuals, often making me the only queer person they know. This has led to countless questions, which I’m always happy to address.
If you’re a straight mom curious about the LGBTQ community but lack close friends within it, you’re in luck. I reached out to several of my queer mom friends to gather their thoughts on what they wish straight moms understood. Here’s what they shared:
- We’re Approachable
If you’re meeting a queer person for the first time, feel free to ask questions. We appreciate your desire to learn. - We’re Not Here to Change Your Kids
Our goal aligns with yours: love and acceptance. We support our children’s identities regardless of their orientation, and we certainly can’t change anyone’s sexual preference. - We Are Born This Way
Most LGBTQ individuals understand their identities early on, while others, like me, may take longer. Comments suggesting we haven’t met the right person can be hurtful. - Humanity Above All
We come from diverse backgrounds and beliefs, so avoid stereotypes. By getting to know us, you’ll find many commonalities. - Appearance Isn’t Everything
A woman’s masculine appearance doesn’t imply she wants to be a man. Many lesbians simply enjoy dressing in a way that feels right for them. - Sexuality vs. Gender
Sexuality indicates who we love, while gender expresses who we are. Some people identify as non-binary, and using preferred pronouns is a good practice to adopt. - Not Everyone Wants to Date You
Just because we’re queer doesn’t mean we are attracted to all women. Respect for personal boundaries is key. - Kids Ask Genuine Questions
Children like to know about differences, so if they inquire why someone doesn’t have a dad, don’t hesitate to engage in open conversation. - We’re Not Trying to Be Men
It’s a simple concept, but it bears repeating: neither of us is playing a male role in our relationships. - Chosen Families Matter
Sometimes, we face rejection from our families, so we form supportive chosen families. Our kids may not have traditional relatives, but they are surrounded by love. - Morals Are Not Absent
Being LGBTQ doesn’t mean we lack values. We enforce rules in our home just like any parent would. - Language is Important
We appreciate being referred to correctly, like when introducing our spouse. Mislabeling us as “roommates” can be painful. - Mental Health Awareness
Being LGBTQ is not a disorder. However, we do face higher mental health challenges due to societal pressures and discrimination. - Respect for Men
Not wanting to date men doesn’t mean we dislike them. We have meaningful relationships with men in our lives. - Celebrate Our Joys
Please include us in celebrations like baby showers, just as you would for your straight friends. Inclusion matters!
Curious about LGBTQ topics? Finding a queer friend can help you explore these discussions further. We may represent a smaller segment of the population, but we are present in every community. As trans activist Jamie Lee pointed out, sharing our stories is revolutionary. Engaging with diverse perspectives fosters a more inclusive environment for our children, who may one day identify as part of the LGBTQ community.
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Search Queries:
- What do LGBTQ moms want straight moms to know?
- Understanding LGBTQ families and parenting.
- How to support LGBTQ friends as a straight mom.
- Common misconceptions about LGBTQ identities.
- Celebrating diversity in parenting.
Summary:
LGBTQ moms wish straight moms understood their experiences more deeply, emphasizing that they are approachable, not interested in converting children, and deserving of respect and inclusion in family celebrations. Acknowledging the spectrum of identities and experiences within the LGBTQ community is crucial for building connections and fostering acceptance.
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