When my son began high school, he was drawn to a group of boys known for their reckless behavior. This was a stark contrast to the friends he had in elementary and middle school. Instead of enjoying sports and movie outings, he was getting into fights, smoking marijuana outside school at 7 a.m., and becoming increasingly disrespectful to me.
Although he didn’t hang out with most of these boys outside school—likely due to their lack of transportation and my reputation for being overly strict—he did have one friend he spent time with. Initially, their friendship seemed positive; they went skiing together, and my son felt comfortable having him over. This gave me hope that he wasn’t up to anything sneaky, as he knew I expected respect and adherence to rules in my home.
However, things changed rapidly when they were caught smoking marijuana in my basement, then at his friend’s house, and finally at school. My son’s academic performance declined, he became more aggressive, and lost interest in activities he once enjoyed, like riding his bike and skiing. The two of them even filmed a teacher and shared it on Snapchat, leading to my son being suspended twice within a few months.
Instead of telling him to abandon his friend, I realized I couldn’t control everything, especially since they still interacted at school. Moreover, I understood that my son wasn’t innocent either. Despite his drastic behavior changes, he was still a 14-year-old responsible for his own choices. I could easily point fingers, just as his friend’s parents could do the same with my son. I knew I had to guide him through this challenging time; he would encounter various influences throughout his life, and I wanted to equip him with the skills to handle them.
We had numerous discussions about friendship and making choices independent of peer pressure. I encouraged him to recognize that he didn’t need to engage in harmful behaviors to be liked and that if something felt wrong, it was okay to walk away. I could see he was unhappy, especially with the consequences he faced, like suspension and losing privileges.
However, the situation worsened. My son became anxious, destructive, and depressed, a stark contrast to his previous demeanor. Despite wanting to spend time with his friend, their get-togethers always resulted in trouble. After monitoring his friend’s Instagram, where I saw posts about smoking marijuana and expressing disdain for life, alongside learning that he had dropped out of school, I knew I had to take action.
One Saturday afternoon, I spoke with his mother when she asked if my son could join them at their favorite ski resort. I honestly expressed my concerns, stating that their friendship wasn’t beneficial for either of them at this time. With my son facing potential expulsion if he received another suspension, I felt he needed a change.
After that conversation, they maintained contact but didn’t spend time together. With his friend out of school, my son’s teachers noticed a significant improvement; he stopped fighting and, thankfully, completed the year without further incidents.
Recently, my daughter faced a similar situation. She had a friend who brought marijuana to her father’s house, and they were caught smoking together. I learned that my daughter was also struggling with self-harm as a coping mechanism for her anxiety. After speaking with her friend’s mom, I discovered that her daughter was dealing with similar issues, leading me to suspect their unhealthy behaviors were influencing each other.
Once again, I had to ask my daughter to step back from this friendship—not out of blame, but because they were not helping each other at this moment, and her mental health was my top priority. Yes, she was upset with me, but as a parent, I know when to intervene.
I’ve explained to my children that these actions aren’t punishments; they are me having their best interests at heart. I want them to understand the importance of recognizing when someone in their life may not be good for them, so they can make those choices independently in the future.
While I don’t want to dictate my kids’ friendships, I must step in when I see them heading down a dark path, especially while they’re still under my roof. As parents, it’s our responsibility to protect them from unhealthy situations, regardless of their agreement.
For additional insights, check out this related blog post on navigating challenging friendships. If you’re looking for resources on home insemination, you can visit Make a Mom for expert advice or explore Facts About Fertility for more information.
Summary:
Navigating friendships during the teenage years can be challenging, especially when negative influences come into play. It’s essential for parents to guide their children through these situations, recognizing when to intervene and help them make healthier choices. While it’s vital to foster independence, protecting them from harmful relationships is crucial for their well-being.
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