Every night, as I prepare to drift off to sleep, I find myself reliving a parade of awkward and regretful moments from my past. This isn’t something I choose to do; it just happens, despite my attempts at meditation or counting backward from a thousand to distract my mind. Instead, I end up revisiting the cringe-worthy instances that make it difficult to transition into a peaceful slumber. The memories vary from minor faux pas to those moments where I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Here are a few examples that have haunted me recently:
Cooking Catastrophe in Peru
During a visit to my ex-husband’s relatives in Peru, I volunteered to help in the kitchen and was tasked with making rice. It should have been straightforward; I make rice all the time. However, I forgot to add oil, resulting in a sticky, unappetizing mess that stuck to the rice cooker. Everyone witnessed the clueless American who couldn’t even cook rice properly. I swear I know how to do it!
Middle School Mishap
In middle school, I got into trouble for shoving a boy right after I had crimped my hair in an attempt to fit in. The memory of sitting in the principal’s office, waiting for my punishment while trying to look cool with my crimped locks still makes me cringe.
College Performance Flop
During my college years, I was incredibly fortunate to receive a scholarship to attend the Aspen Music Festival in Colorado. As a recipient, I was invited to perform with a well-known summer quintet. After managing to hold my own during the first performance, I completely flopped when invited back for a second round. It felt like I had forgotten how to even read music. Why did this happen?
Financial Conference Fumble
In my late twenties, while attending a financial conference as a financial planner, I was asked to explain private placements. Surrounded by a group of men who expected me to deliver, I ended up fumbling over my words, stating that these investments “weren’t like the stock market.” I had explained private placements countless times before; why couldn’t I articulate it now? I felt like I had let down every woman in that male-dominated industry.
Huffpost Live Experience
A few years back, I was invited to discuss my child and his ADHD on Huffpost Live. Unfortunately, the other guest’s overpowering personality left me speechless, and I contributed nothing of value to the conversation. I imagined the producers saying, “She was dull, and frankly, quite foolish. Let’s not have her back.” Ugh.
These are just a handful of the countless moments that replay in my mind nightly. Many people share similar experiences of embarrassment, leading us to wonder why these flashbacks linger. Melissa Dahl refers to these as “cringe attacks,” which is fitting. In her book “Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness,” she delves into why we fixate on embarrassing moments and how we can utilize these experiences for personal growth.
In an article for The Cut, Dahl interviewed neurobiologist James McGaugh, who studies memory. He explained that our brains retain embarrassing moments better than mundane experiences due to the heightened emotions associated with them. When we experience humiliation, our brain releases adrenaline, followed by noradrenaline, which signals that something significant has occurred, prompting us to create a strong memory.
Psychologists term this fixation on past blunders as “rumination.” While those with anxiety often focus on future worries, rumination concerns wishing we could go back and amend past mistakes. This habit can negatively impact mental health, similar to how anxiety about the future can be harmful. Research indicates that rumination is linked to depression, PTSD, and anxiety disorders.
Despite the humor I try to find in my nightly “cringe attacks,” the reality is that this type of rumination signals a need for better self-care. As I attempt to wind down for the night, these memories induce physical discomfort. Coupled with other symptoms like memory issues, hair loss, and general fatigue, they indicate that I need to prioritize my mental well-being. More exercise, a consistent sleep routine, meditation, and possibly consulting my doctor may be necessary.
If you’re struggling with rumination like I am, there’s plenty of advice available online. Experts suggest recognizing when you’re ruminating, identifying triggers, and finding ways to let go or distract yourself. However, if your thoughts frequently dwell on past embarrassments, it might be time to check in with yourself — and perhaps with a doctor as well.
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- How to deal with past embarrassments
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In summary, while reflecting on past embarrassments can feel overwhelming, it’s crucial to recognize when such thoughts become detrimental to our mental health. By addressing these feelings and prioritizing self-care, we can better navigate our emotions and find peace.
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