Over the years, I’ve faced numerous health challenges, including a near-fatal experience in the ER due to insufficient insulin and a later diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. My battle with breast cancer at thirty-five added another layer of complexity to my health journey. Managing these conditions was already overwhelming, filled with needles, medical appointments, and the constant burden of anxiety.
What made this experience even more daunting was the toxic positivity I encountered. While I strive to share my struggles to help others, doing so often came with the unwelcome response of “Look on the bright side!” or “You’ve got this!” Such platitudes only made my life as a patient more difficult. Even if your situation is different, you may have encountered similar experiences when people tell you to “cheer up” or “stay strong.”
This has been a recurring theme throughout my life. I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember, and adults often dismissed my pain—manifested through nail-biting and stomachaches—with comments like “Take a chill pill!” or “Stop worrying!” These responses did nothing but exacerbate my anxiety. I found myself juggling my own fears while also grappling with others’ expectations of how I should feel.
When I received my type 1 diabetes diagnosis, I lost count of the times people told me to be grateful for being alive or that someday a cure would be found. None of these comments alleviated my feelings of confusion, anger, and exhaustion. Instead, they dismissed my genuine emotions, making me feel that expressing my true self was unacceptable.
Breast cancer brought more of the same. Well-meaning friends told me I was “so strong” and encouraged me to “keep fighting.” While I knew they wanted to uplift me, it felt like they were casting me in a role I never signed up for. I was grappling with cancer, and the last thing I needed was to feel pressured to maintain a facade of positivity. In contrast, a friend’s comment—“Boobs are stupid”—offered light-hearted empathy that stuck with me during that tough time.
Toxic positivity creates a culture where authenticity is undervalued. It promotes avoidance of vulnerability, resulting in superficial conversations where we might say, “I’m good, and you?” even when that’s far from the truth. While it’s impractical to share our deepest feelings with everyone, it’s equally challenging to live under the pretense of being “fine.”
Finding those who can empathize with our feelings is essential, and this is why many of us seek therapy. A safe space to share unfiltered emotions is invaluable.
At a funeral for a friend’s husband, I struggled to find the right words. I avoided clichés like “I’m sorry for your loss” or dismissive platitudes. Instead, I simply embraced her and said, “This is really shitty.” It was important to acknowledge her pain without trying to sugarcoat it.
We need to stop feeling compelled to downplay or redirect others’ emotions. Therapy has taught me that confronting feelings head-on is crucial. Avoidance doesn’t work long-term; buried trauma always resurfaces. Those comfortable with their own emotions are typically better at accepting others’ feelings.
Embracing vulnerability allows us to be more supportive friends, family members, and coworkers. We all share the desire to be heard and validated without being told our feelings are wrong. When someone says, “Tell me more,” or “That sounds really difficult,” instead of pushing for a smile, it creates a deeper connection. Those who provide this kind of support are true gifts in our lives.
During our toughest moments, we don’t need to search for silver linings. Ignoring our true emotions can silence our intuition, which is never beneficial. While feelings can be fleeting, some require deeper reflection. If certain people in our lives aren’t supportive, it’s important to create boundaries. We can’t thrive with naysayers pulling us down.
For more insights on navigating challenges and emotional health, check out this related blog post. Additionally, for those on a journey through fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit News Medical.
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Summary:
Toxic positivity can be more detrimental than beneficial, often leading to feelings of invalidation and emotional suppression. It’s crucial to acknowledge and validate true emotions rather than avoid them or push for a facade of happiness. Finding supportive people who can empathize with our struggles is vital for emotional health and growth.
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