What a whirlwind it’s been this past year, right? It feels like we’ve been living in a continuous loop, much like “Groundhog Day.” Each morning, I wake up and tackle the day, despite the chaos surrounding us.
Last March, my young son, Oliver, developed C. diff after a hefty round of antibiotics. If you’re unfamiliar with C. diff, trust me—don’t Google it. The experiences I had while caring for him were beyond anything I could have imagined. As someone already struggling with health anxiety, it was a true test of my resolve to keep myself together for his benefit. Thankfully, he has made a full recovery, but I still find myself checking on him every time he uses the restroom, just to ensure everything is alright. (He’s definitely over my constant hovering!)
During this ordeal, I was about five months pregnant and grappling with significant anxiety. For someone with a history of panic attacks, this was a particularly challenging time. Things became even more complicated with my anxiety peaking over a perfect anatomy scan that had me convinced our baby had spina bifida (as if I were more qualified than the ultrasound tech to make such a call). Each trip Oliver took to the bathroom filled me with dread, and I found myself in tears waiting for the genetic testing results, which thankfully came back negative for everything.
I couldn’t recall feeling this anxious during my first pregnancy, yet here I was, fighting to keep from spiraling. Just as Oliver was cleared to return to school, everything shut down due to the lockdown. My mind went into overdrive: time to ramp up the anxiety!
During my third trimester, I fell into a routine of sleeping until 11 a.m., forgetting what it felt like to see the sunrise. It was a slippery slope, and it took effort to pull myself out of that dark place. I was fortunate to welcome a healthy baby boy amidst a pandemic, bringing him home to a loving older brother who adored him from the start.
But with limited distractions and nowhere to go, I found myself worrying incessantly. I felt ashamed for my fears, especially when I knew other parents were dealing with far more serious challenges with their sick children. Anxiety has a way of distorting reality; it creeps in just when you think you’re safe.
As we continue to navigate social distancing, I’ve jokingly taken on the role of a “Google doctor.” My qualifications include diagnosing my kids based on parenting blogs, experiencing random panic attacks, and driving my husband crazy with my anxieties (he’s a saint for putting up with me). Every little bump or bruise gets scrutinized by yours truly.
In all seriousness, I’m seeking help from a therapist to manage my anxiety and to learn how to be present with my two wonderful boys. If any of this resonates with you, don’t hesitate to talk to someone you trust. We all need support sometimes. I refuse to look back and regret the time I spent worrying.
But I still maintain that my five-year-old’s health scare triggered a chain reaction of anxiety that I’m still working through.
For more insights, check out this post on pregnancy and mental health here. Also, if you’re looking for professional guidance, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. For a deeper understanding of pregnancy, visit NICHD.
Probable Search Queries:
- How to cope with anxiety during pregnancy
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Summary:
This article reflects on a mother’s experience dealing with her son’s C. diff diagnosis caused by antibiotics, her struggles with anxiety during her pregnancy, and the subsequent challenges of parenting during a pandemic. It emphasizes the importance of seeking help and finding community support during tough times.
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