Hey there! I’ve caught wind of the upcoming baby shower to celebrate a little one that shares your DNA. I trust I’m on the guest list? While many might roll their eyes at baby shower invites, I’m not one of them. I truly appreciate the community rallying around an expectant mom. I enjoy sipping mocktails in a church basement at one in the afternoon and even find the “guess which melted candy bar is in the diaper” game amusing—seriously, it’s hilarious.
A typical baby shower activity involves guests jotting down life-after-baby advice on notecards, which are then compiled into an album or box for the new mom. I’m all for this, except for the advice that says “sleep when the baby sleeps”—what if the baby doesn’t sleep, AMY? However, what I find lacking is that men rarely receive the same thoughtful guidance. And trust me, some of you really need it.
Lucky for you, I’m here to help. Let’s grab a drink and discuss how to navigate this new chapter of fatherhood.
1. Acknowledge the Challenges
First, recognize that new parenthood is challenging for dads too. Your emotions during this transition are valid, and burying them deep within won’t help anyone. If you can, find a therapist to help you sort through your feelings. If that’s not feasible, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or spiritual advisor. But for goodness’ sake, don’t unload your emotions onto your partner—she’s dealing with her own challenges, like healing from childbirth and her own feelings about becoming a mother. Support each other without complaints, okay? Seek therapy, discuss the baby stuff, and don’t forget to address any personal issues you may have. Get rid of anything you use to escape from your feelings, whether it’s gambling, drinking, or excessive screen time—make a commitment to live in the real world with your partner and child.
2. Build Emotional Connections
Build emotional connections with others, especially fellow dads. Men often think they can’t express emotions or bond with other men. But guess what? You can, and you should. A diverse support system is vital—you’ll need it more than you think.
3. Understand Changes in Your Sex Life
Yes, your sex life will change after the baby arrives. Accept it (with your therapist’s help if necessary). Understand that it’s okay for your partner to not want sex; it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you—she’s just exhausted and healing. Remember, just because things are different doesn’t mean they’re worse. By communicating, you can use this time to strengthen your bond and explore new forms of intimacy that can reignite the spark later.
4. Prioritize Hobbies and Downtime
Taking time for hobbies is crucial for your mental well-being, but so is allowing your partner to enjoy her own downtime. You can’t expect to maintain the same hobby schedule as before the baby. Adjust your expectations and ensure she gets as much leisure time as you do. If you want to play a round of golf during those first two years, your kid better be right there in the carrier with you.
5. Rethink Household Chores
It’s time to rethink how you divide household chores. Even if you’re doing more than your dad did, you can probably improve. Experts suggest looking at each partner’s free time to judge if responsibilities are shared fairly. If you think any time you’re not working is “me time,” think again. Adjust your mindset: after work, you have more work to do at home because you live there and helped create that baby.
Imagine being a new mom just a week into your maternity leave. You’re sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, and have no time off or pay unless you’re exceptionally fortunate. On a scale of 1 to 10, how receptive would you be to someone saying, “I just need to lie down for a minute, I’m so tired” after a mere 12-hour shift?
Do the dishes. Clean the toilet. Hold the baby so your partner can have a moment to herself. If you really can’t manage, reach out to someone in your support network for help. Then, take a nap together afterward. And before you do, make sure to tell her she’s a beautiful, amazing, awe-inspiring human being. If you follow my advice, she just might return the compliment.
For more insights on this topic, check out this post on home insemination, which offers additional perspectives. Also, visit Make a Mom for expert guidance on home insemination. And for comprehensive resources on pregnancy, head over to RMany.
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In summary, new dadhood is a challenging yet rewarding journey. By seeking support, opening up about feelings, and sharing responsibilities, you can ensure a smoother transition into parenthood for both you and your partner.
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