Updated: Jan. 23, 2021
In our household, we prioritize honesty and directness with our children. We address their actions when they may hurt others or suggest alternative approaches without resorting to harsh words. It’s essential to create a supportive environment instead of tearing them down with criticism that can linger into adulthood. Over the years, I’ve come to understand the tremendous impact our words have on our children’s development. The way we praise and correct them matters immensely, and our tone is crucial.
We shouldn’t be the negative voice that echoes in our children’s minds as they grow up—those damaging thoughts that replay endlessly. Many of us carry phrases from our past, like “Your outfit looks awful,” or “You’re too lazy.” Ultimately, our primary duty as parents is to ensure our children’s safety, which includes being mindful of our language.
Even within the same household, there’s much we can learn from one another. There are times when I feel overwhelmed—juggling cooking, remote learning, and after-school activities—and I may lose my patience. In those moments, I realize that once my harsh words leave my mouth, they can’t be taken back. However, while observing my partner handle a situation with our sensitive daughter, Mia, I gain valuable insights for my own parenting toolkit. My partner often uses uplifting language, like, “Mia, your hair is lovely just as it is. Perfection isn’t a requirement.”
It’s painful as parents to witness our children engage in negative self-talk. When they experience setbacks, they might say things like, “That was so dumb,” or “Nobody at school likes me.” It’s our responsibility to help them transform that negativity into positivity.
The journey begins with us. We must take the helm of our parenting ship, steering it carefully to avoid excessive praise or harshness. Once we address our internal dialogue, it becomes easier to discern when to offer encouragement and when to reframe situations constructively. We know that parenting is a learning process filled with trial and error, and while there are parenting resources available, the day-to-day emotional dynamics in our homes require us to own our words and actions.
Let’s take responsibility, rise up, and empower our children with affirming language.
Moreover, it’s crucial to reflect on how we talk to ourselves. The negative self-talk we internalize can inadvertently seep into our conversations with our children. By changing our own inner dialogue, we may also change the messages we share with them. For more insights on this topic, you can check out this other blog post.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of using positive and supportive language when communicating with children. It highlights how the words parents use can significantly impact a child’s self-esteem and inner dialogue. By being mindful of our speech and fostering a nurturing environment, we can help our children cultivate a healthier mindset.
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