I sensed something was off the moment the pediatrician stepped into the room, her expression serious. Even with a mask covering her mouth and a face shield in place, I could tell there was no smile. I already had an inkling of the news she was about to tell me.
Before she even uttered a word, guilt twisted in my gut. When she spoke, she confirmed what I had subconsciously feared: my child hadn’t gained any weight. Over the past year, during this pandemic, he had hardly grown at all.
At nine years old, my son has been a selective eater since he learned to refuse food. I can’t help but connect this to when he discovered chocolate and gummy bears—but perhaps that’s just my memory making convenient links. Convincing him to eat vegetables has been a battle for nearly a decade.
His pickiness intensified after his father passed away, as food became a small area where he sought control amidst chaos. Many evenings turned into power struggles over dinner, even when the plate contained his favorite dishes. Most of the time, I let him have his way; he needed some victories during those tough times.
However, last year, both he and I were prepared to tackle his eating habits. With grief less consuming, he grew tired of his limited diet and began to understand that food connects to the energy he needs to play with friends. I arranged for him to see a pediatric nutritionist who came highly recommended.
Then, just a week before the appointment, everything changed. COVID-19 brought life to a standstill, and I canceled our visit. The risk was too great; I believed we could address his eating habits once the world reopened. (Looking back, my naivety is astonishing.)
As things gradually reopened in the summer, I chose not to reschedule the appointment. He seemed to be eating better, snacking throughout the day while we were home. The scarcity of his favorite foods in stores led him to try new options. In a situation where neither of us had control, he began to loosen his grip on his eating habits. I was thrilled, and he felt proud of himself.
He started incorporating more fruits and vegetables into his diet, even experimenting with new proteins. Sure, there were still days when convincing him to eat a few bites would take forever, but overall, I thought we were making progress—until the pediatrician’s visit confirmed he hadn’t gained a single pound.
Now, we’re in the midst of a comprehensive medical assessment to uncover whether there’s a physical reason behind his low appetite or if he’s consuming food that his body isn’t absorbing properly—potentially pointing to conditions like celiac disease or thyroid issues. We visited a pediatric gastroenterologist and had blood tests done.
As he bravely sat in the chair while the technician drew three vials of blood, my mom guilt surged.
I couldn’t shake the memory of that canceled appointment nearly a year ago. I felt responsible for letting things escalate to the point where he hadn’t grown for an entire year. Did I overlook the signs because I was overwhelmed by all the stressors of pandemic life?
Deep down, I know he had been eating better. I didn’t imagine him enjoying meatballs, chicken nuggets, and even snatching an extra brussel sprout off his sister’s plate. The meals had stopped being battlegrounds, and he was genuinely excited about trying new foods. If a medical condition is behind his lack of growth, I couldn’t have anticipated it, and that’s why well visits exist—to let professionals spot issues I might miss. Perhaps working with a nutritionist could have helped us see signs earlier, but then again, we were in the middle of a pandemic.
The core of my guilt lies in my role as his mother; it’s my duty to love, protect, and nurture him. I feel like I’ve failed and missed something important. Yet, I also believe that we will find a solution, he will begin to grow, and when he reflects on this pandemic year, he’ll remember that he was loved and cared for.
For more on similar topics, check out this blog post about home insemination and explore resources from March of Dimes for pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re looking for practical tools, Cryobaby’s artificial insemination kit is highly recommended for those considering this route.
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In summary, navigating my son’s eating struggles has been challenging, especially during a pandemic. We are now seeking medical answers to understand why he hasn’t gained weight, while grappling with feelings of guilt over our previous choices. Ultimately, I hold onto hope that we will discover the root cause and support his growth in every way possible.
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