When I was pregnant with my first child in 2016, I didn’t showcase the typical “baby bump” until the third trimester. This was due to various factors, including my tall stature and muscular build. After all, I had completed a triathlon when I was just eight weeks along, not wanting my training or entry fee to go to waste. However, a significant reason was my inability to keep food down.
Like many women, I experienced hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe pregnancy complication that extends beyond the usual morning sickness. It feels like being perpetually seasick, as if you’re trapped on a turbulent ship without any hope of reaching dry land. The food aversions can be so intense that even a small glass of orange juice can trigger violent vomiting. With a heightened sense of smell, various odors can exacerbate the nausea. The exhaustion can be so overwhelming that even short car rides can lead to uncontrollable vomiting.
Naturally, this results in weight loss, leaving the pregnant individual drained and fatigued. In many cases, hospitalization is necessary to provide IV fluids for hydration. Sometimes, the sickness is so debilitating that women consider terminating their pregnancies due to the pain.
I speak from experience. After suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum with my daughter, I find myself facing it again as I await another baby girl this summer. Like many expectant mothers, I deal with the usual nausea and fatigue, but I’ve already lost 2% of my body weight, sparking concerned comments from those I’ve shared my news with.
I wish I had a card to explain my situation when revealing my pregnancy. Without fail, people look at my flat stomach and prominent cheekbones, asking, “How?” Some even make harsh comments like, “Are you starving the baby?” These remarks often come from older generations who were taught to “eat for two” during their pregnancies.
The constant touching of my belly and the intrusive questions can be overwhelming. I recall one embarrassing moment when a male relative publicly lifted my shirt and exclaimed, “Are you really pregnant?” Yes, indeed, I was. Suddenly, my body was open for public commentary and scrutiny.
Another male relative insisted on adding extra meat to my meal, disregarding my severe aversions while pregnant. The moment my ham-filled dish arrived, I rushed to the restroom to vomit, texting my husband to return the dish. Upon returning, I was lectured about the importance of eating for my unborn child, as if I were a naughty child.
From a sociological perspective, this behavior stems from society’s interest in the unborn child, a future member of the community. Protecting that child is seen as vital, but it often leads to the policing of the mother’s body, which should primarily belong to her. This is evident in the scrutiny surrounding abortion clinics and birth control. Even when I reached out to my OB/GYN, sobbing after a difficult Thanksgiving, seeking a prescription for Zofran, I was met with judgment from those around me for taking “a drug” during pregnancy.
I would plead, “This medication helps me eat and carry my baby. Can’t you just show some kindness?” Thankfully, the comments tapered off, allowing me to snack and regain some weight. Most importantly, my second baby is healthy, just like her sister, even if the process made me feel unwell.
So, if you encounter someone who is thin and announces their pregnancy, please congratulate them and remind them they are doing their best. But whatever you do, refrain from commenting on their weight.
For more insights on pregnancy experiences, check out this related blog post.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s personal experience with hyperemesis gravidarum during pregnancy, highlighting the challenges of weight loss and societal perceptions. The author emphasizes the importance of kindness and understanding from others regarding pregnancy and the scrutiny of a woman’s body.
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