In the aftermath of the previous administration, parents everywhere are faced with the daunting task of explaining the state of our nation to our children. The policies enacted during that time weren’t just abstract concepts for me; they were a painful reality I navigated daily. As someone who is a daughter and spouse of immigrants and a woman of color, I experienced the repercussions personally.
In January 2018, as immigrant families endured relentless assaults from the former administration, I joined the ACLU as the federal immigration policy counsel. Shortly after, my colleagues initiated a lawsuit against the government for the separation of our client, Ms. M, from her 7-year-old daughter. The memory of that moment still haunts me: federal agents took Ms. M’s daughter without explanation, leaving her to hear her child’s desperate cries for her mother.
For four agonizing days, Ms. M was left in the dark about her daughter’s whereabouts. The young girl, like many others torn from their parents during that time, was isolated and frightened in a facility hundreds of miles away. By the time our lawsuit was filed, they had been apart for four months, with only a few brief phone conversations to sustain their connection.
The ACLU broadened the scope of the lawsuit as we uncovered more heartbreaking stories of families torn apart. Some of the children were mere infants, still nursing. My professional life became consumed by the harrowing details of the family separation policy, while at home, I struggled to explain the situation to my own child, who was just under three years old. My partner and I took our son to protests, teaching him to chant “families belong together,” fully aware that children his age were being taken from their parents.
As the years passed, the separations continued, and I welcomed a second child. My eldest began asking questions about my work at the ACLU, prompting me to explain that families like ours, who came from other countries, deserve fair treatment—especially those who are Black immigrants facing unique challenges.
This past year has been marked by a pandemic, protests, and ongoing assaults on people of color and immigrants. My oldest child, now five, expressed fears about leaders who “kick people out of the country,” while our youngest was blissfully unaware, content in her stroller.
As an immigration policy expert and a second-generation immigrant, I grapple with how to discuss these issues with my children. I constantly walk the line between providing too much detail about racism and xenophobia while ensuring they understand their privilege and the importance of acting justly.
The struggle of immigrants and the trauma of family separation is not just a topic for discussion; it’s a pressing reality for millions. For the estimated 11 million undocumented people in the U.S., the threat of separation looms large. For around 5,500 families affected by the previous administration’s policies, the scars run deep. We, as a society, must demand accountability and repair.
Restoring these families and ensuring they can live in the U.S. without fear of detention or deportation is not just a moral obligation; it’s something the Biden administration can initiate without waiting for Congress to act.
I know many parents reading this can empathize. Imagine fleeing your home, arriving in a place where you thought safety awaited, only to have your children taken from you. We have a chance to advocate for justice for those families who have suffered under these policies and to ensure this never happens again.
As we approach Valentine’s Day, my kindergartner and I will craft a card to President Biden, urging him to reunite separated families and provide them with the citizenship, resources, and support they deserve. I hope my children look back on this time and remember how they recognized injustice and learned to take action for compassion and dignity for all.
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