People often rave about the incredible transformations that come with entering your 40s. You supposedly cultivate a fearless attitude and gain a newfound confidence. Sounds fantastic, right? At least, that’s what the narrative suggests.
However, my experience in my 40s hasn’t been this perfect dreamland. Instead, it’s been a mix of confusion, emotional ups and downs, and moments that are just plain bizarre. But amidst all these changes, the most profound realization hit me recently. At 43, I’ve finally figured out how to cut myself some slack and stop being my own worst critic.
This may seem trivial or like something I should have accomplished long ago, but for me, it’s monumental. A few months back, I faced a humbling situation. I won’t delve into specifics, as they’re not the crux of the matter. Suffice it to say, it was one of those experiences you think only happens to “other people.” Then it happens to you, and you’re left reeling.
Initially, I followed my usual pattern of self-punishment, feeling shame and humiliation. I cried, convinced I was a complete failure. But then, something shifted. I decided I was done with that cycle. I was weary of chastising myself and of holding myself to a standard I wouldn’t expect from others. I realized that life is too fleeting and fragile to waste on self-loathing.
Perhaps the pandemic has sharpened my perspective on what truly matters. Therapy and meditation might have played a role, too. The brutal truth hit me: life is indeed short, and there’s no space for self-doubt anymore.
People often refer to the indifference that supposedly comes with turning 40, but I never truly felt it until now. It took me until 43 to understand that a genuine “I don’t give a f*ck” attitude isn’t just about being unconcerned with superficial things; it’s about letting go of the weight of self-criticism. It’s about recognizing that being human means making mistakes.
Since that realization, there’s been a noticeable shift in my mindset. I find myself laughing more—at myself and in general. I’m less likely to take others’ actions personally, and when I err, I strive to rectify it and move on.
This is a significant change for me. I used to keep an internal tally of all my past mistakes—every foot-in-mouth moment, every disappointment I caused myself. Those memories kept me up at night, replaying moments of shame from years ago. Now, I’ve torn up that list. Allowing myself to be human has been the most liberating change in my 40s.
Of course, this doesn’t mean I get a pass to act like a privileged jerk. Quite the opposite. It has given me the space to own up to my mistakes without defensiveness, allowing me to learn and grow. Mistakes are no longer a reflection of my worth; they’re simply part of the journey. And without the burden of shame, I have the emotional capacity to move forward and invest in personal growth.
While I still feel confused and unsettled at times, learning to forgive and love myself a bit more at 43 has made my 40s the best decade yet.
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Summary:
In my 40s, I’ve faced many changes, but the most profound realization has been learning to forgive myself and let go of self-criticism. At 43, I’ve finally understood that mistakes don’t define my worth and that life is too short to dwell on past failures. This shift has led to a lighter, more joyous approach to life, making my 40s a decade of growth and empowerment.
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