With the frequency at which my children exclaim that something is “not right,” one might assume they have mastered the concept of fairness, or equity. However, their understanding often stems from jealousy and sibling competition. They excel at spotting when a brother or sister has something they desire or has received more of something, but always having the same amount of everything does not equate to true fairness. Whether they like it or not, they often experience varying treatment and possessions because our household prioritizes equity over mere equality. As a parent of three kids who view everything as a resource, this lesson can be quite challenging to impart, and listening to their complaints can be even tougher at times.
To help your kids—and yourself—grasp the difference between equity, or fairness, and equality, consider this example. If a teacher gives every student in a class a bowl of ice cream with three identical scoops and a spoon, a child might perceive that as fair since everyone has the same thing. Yet, one child may be lactose intolerant and unable to eat the ice cream, while another might have a sore tooth that prevents them from enjoying cold foods. While the distribution is equal, is it fair that two students can’t partake in the treat? No, but if the children are offered an alternative treat that accommodates their needs, the situation becomes equitable. Everyone has the chance to enjoy the special occasion, despite their differing requirements.
Understanding fairness, or equity, means ensuring that everyone has what they need rather than simply having the same items. If we aim to create equitable situations and work toward a fairer society, we can achieve equality. However, it’s not just children who grapple with resource distribution and exhibit greed while focusing on individual gains. Adults struggle to allocate wealth, power, food, and housing, often reluctant to relinquish their advantages or what they perceive as hard-earned rewards. They often assume that everyone has the same opportunity to work hard and attain “success.” However, some individuals require more assistance than others to achieve the same opportunities. We should emphasize ensuring everyone has what they need rather than worrying about what we might lose.
During my college years, I relied on financial grants to support my education. The assistance I received did not diminish someone else’s chance of getting to college. While we didn’t start with equal bank accounts, both of us had the opportunity for education because I qualified for help.
Some individuals may feel resentment when they see others receiving different resources than they do, labeling such assistance as “handouts.” A relevant example includes the COVID-19 stimulus checks. Some people believe everyone should receive an equal amount since they think fairness comes from equality. However, not everyone requires the same financial support to improve their circumstances or meet basic needs. Is it truly fair for someone with two homes, retirement savings, health insurance, and multiple vehicles to receive the same relief package as a single parent struggling to pay rent? No.
Additionally, it is unfair that there are not more systems in place to combat discrimination based on sex, gender, race, and sexual orientation. If marginalized groups had improved access to income, health insurance, and housing, then everyone would be on a more level playing field. When everyone has what they need, they typically experience less struggle, greater happiness, and stronger community bonds due to reduced competition and conflict. This is evidenced by the Nordic countries consistently ranking high in the UN’s World Happiness Report; they are considered social democracies that prioritize equity by ensuring universal access to free healthcare and education.
Children may voice their feelings of unfairness when a classmate receives additional help or rewards for good behavior. They might think their younger siblings get more attention or be upset that an older sibling can stay up later. What they are encountering is, in fact, fairness. To provide a quality education, some students may need varied incentives or support. Younger children naturally require more assistance and attention to ensure their safety and well-being. Furthermore, an advantage of growing older means needing less sleep; just because one child isn’t receiving the same privileges as their sibling, it doesn’t mean they won’t eventually enjoy those same benefits.
Teaching our children about equity fosters empathy and compassion for others, encouraging them to become less self-centered and more inclined to assist those in need. The ultimate goal is to create equitable environments where everyone can fulfill their potential; to achieve this, some individuals may need more help or different treatment. However, we cannot attain equity if we always distribute the same resources to everyone.
This article was originally published on Feb. 12, 2021, and has been updated for relevance.
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In summary, understanding the distinction between equality and equity is essential for children to appreciate fairness in various aspects of life. By emphasizing that everyone has unique needs, we can help them develop empathy and foster a more compassionate worldview.
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