Recently, my spouse moved ahead of our family to our new residence, leaving me to juggle two kids, a dog, and a PUPPY (yes, the struggle is real!), while packing our belongings, transitioning my clients, and bidding farewell to cherished family and friends. Cue the overwhelmed feeling and the urge to scream into a pillow. Life, especially during complicated times, can be overwhelming. There were moments when I found myself in tears, feeling crushed by the enormity of it all.
Parenting while navigating our own emotions can lead us either to bottle up our feelings or to lean on our children for emotional support. Both approaches are unhealthy for us and for them. It’s vital for children to witness emotions and learn positive coping mechanisms. They don’t need to grow up in a bubble where their parents never feel frustrated, sad, anxious, or angry. Moreover, kids simply don’t have the capacity to shoulder our emotional burdens. So how can we strike a healthy balance?
Communicate in an Age-Appropriate Way.
It’s crucial to be honest with our children. They pick up on far more than we might think and are attuned to the atmosphere in our homes. Our expressions reveal when we’re struggling. If they inquire about our tears and we insist nothing’s wrong, we not only lie to them but also invalidate their understanding of emotions.
Giving age-appropriate responses is key. For instance, saying, “I’m feeling really sad and I miss my friends back home,” is better than saying, “I’m lonely because I have no friends.” The simpler explanation prevents overwhelming young minds with complex feelings and doesn’t place the burden of “fixing” things on them. As they grow older, we can introduce more nuanced language, but it’s crucial they don’t feel responsible for our happiness.
Model Healthy Coping Strategies.
When I spilled yet another item in the kitchen and felt a wave of frustration, I took a moment to breathe deeply instead of reacting with anger. My son witnessed this moment, and it taught him a valuable lesson about calming techniques—just as I encourage him to do.
It’s important to highlight both positive and negative coping methods. I admit, I sometimes yell at my kids, which I regret. What matters more than the outburst is the apology that follows. Acknowledging my mistakes normalizes the fact that nobody is perfect and reinforces the idea that there are healthier ways to handle feelings.
Seek Appropriate Support.
It can be tempting to rely on our children for emotional support, treating them like “emotional gas stations.” Need a hug? Ask a child. Seeking affirmation? Turn to a kid. Yet, this can distort the parent-child dynamic. Kids are not here to fulfill our emotional needs. When we depend on them, we risk failing them as parents and creating an unhealthy environment.
We need to seek support from adults. A partner can be a confidant, but it’s also vital to have at least one other person to turn to—someone objective and trustworthy. Venting to a coworker you find attractive? Probably not the best choice. Processing issues with someone who can offer sound advice is much more beneficial.
If you find yourself isolated and unable to reach out to friends or family, don’t hesitate to consult a professional. Mental health experts can help explore difficult emotions, rather than relying on children as sounding boards while they are still young.
Emotions are a natural and necessary part of life. Recognizing and navigating them effectively is a skill we must teach our children. While it can be challenging to maintain healthy boundaries when we’re struggling, showing our kids how to cope and emerge from tough times helps build their resilience and offers them a sense of stability.
For more insights, check out this other blog post on navigating emotions in parenting. Additionally, for those looking for expert advice, this resource on pregnancy is excellent, and you might also want to consider fertility boosters for men as you explore family planning.
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Summary
This article emphasizes that children should not be relied upon as emotional crutches for their parents. It highlights the importance of honest communication, modeling healthy coping strategies, and seeking appropriate adult support. Parents can help their children learn to navigate emotions without placing the burden of emotional fulfillment on them, ultimately fostering resilience and stability in their development.
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