When the pandemic initially struck, I found myself in the kitchen, captivated by news updates from public health officials, stunned as lockdowns unfolded in New York. Even though I reside in North Carolina, witnessing the chaos was alarming. My family, including my two daughters—who are now 21 and 18—took social distancing seriously. They grasped our stance, even if they didn’t always agree with it. While we’ve had some intense discussions over the past year, I appreciate the respect they’ve shown for our rules, even though I recognize what they’ve sacrificed.
As time passed, I observed many friends making different decisions regarding their families’ activities, social distancing practices, and the events they participated in. I really tried to keep my judgments at bay.
I attempted to remain neutral when friends allowed their children to attend gatherings, even when they were indoors without masks and in large groups. I held back my opinions when they traveled, enjoying vacations and flying to various destinations. I bit my tongue as they resumed dining out, hitting the gym, and spending time with extended family. For the most part, I stayed quiet.
I reminded myself that each person must navigate their own comfort levels regarding risk, and I respect that. As a breast cancer survivor for over seven years, I’m not willing to take unnecessary chances. I know how valuable my health is, and I want to avoid anything that could strain my immune system.
“My friends understand why you feel this way,” they say. “Your history makes it different.” My friends have been supportive of my choices, and I never felt judged for the decisions my family has made. We’ve respected each other’s viewpoints throughout this pandemic, agreeing to disagree on some matters.
However, I’ve grappled with why so many believe they’ll be fine if they contract the virus. Yes, most people recover, but nobody truly knows how their individual bodies will respond or what long-term effects might arise. “It’s unlikely we would get really sick,” they tell me. But what about the potential to unknowingly infect others? I often want to cry out in frustration.
Now, nearly a year later, with case numbers on the rise and new variants emerging, I’m finding it increasingly difficult not to judge my friends. Trust me, I’m exhausted from all of this. I long to travel, enjoy lengthy lunches, dine at my favorite restaurants, and hit the gym. Yet, it seems imperative now more than ever to remain vigilant. I refuse to jeopardize my health or that of others. Experts are urging everyone to stay home and maintain distance. With vaccines finally rolled out, hope is just within reach. Yet, many of my friends continue with their usual activities, and I’m struggling to keep my opinions to myself.
“Why don’t you just focus on yourself?” my daughter says. “Other people’s choices don’t affect you. Why does it matter?” Her words carry wisdom, reminding me that I don’t want to be judged for my family’s choices, so I shouldn’t judge others for theirs. Ultimately, their decisions are none of my business.
So, why is this beginning to weigh on me? I’ve pondered this extensively, especially since I have plenty of time to reflect. Am I envious? Do I wish I could be less worried about COVID? I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve lost acquaintances to the virus and know others who have faced hospitalization. Plus, I know individuals still dealing with long-term effects months post-infection. I could never justify not taking this seriously.
After much contemplation, what troubles me most is the casual attitude many have towards their health and the well-being of those around them. Having navigated a significant health crisis, I’m deeply concerned for those I care about. The last thing I want is to be the reason someone else becomes ill.
I adore my friends; they’re remarkable, compassionate people who would do anything for anyone. But why can’t they just stay home? Why not say “no” to their kids? Why not opt for take-out instead of dining in? Why travel for leisure? Why go to the gym?
Interestingly, the pandemic has strengthened my connections with friends who share similar values and choices. We frequently check in with one another, offering support and validation, especially during times of exposure or illness. I cherish these friendships that have grounded me during such a turbulent time. Conversely, I find myself drifting from friends whose lifestyles contrast sharply with mine. Will we reconnect when life returns to “normal”? I sincerely hope so, but I’m starting to doubt it.
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Summary
Navigating friendships during the pandemic has become increasingly challenging as differing attitudes towards health and safety emerge. Despite efforts to refrain from judging others, the carefree behaviors of some friends regarding social distancing and health precautions have caused inner conflict. The author reflects on their own health history as a breast cancer survivor and grapples with the complex emotions tied to friends’ choices during these difficult times.
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