I remember when my eldest hit fourteen; it felt like he had turned into a stranger. For months, he barely strung together a full sentence with me. He’d stomp through the door after school, radiating an aura of anger that seemed to envelop him. Just seeing me was enough to trigger a storm of irritation, and everything I did felt offensive to him.
He transitioned from cherishing family gatherings to completely withdrawing. Family outings became a battlefield, and he made it his mission to ensure it was miserable for everyone else. To say he was a dark cloud would be an understatement; he wasn’t just in a bad mood—he was the embodiment of gloom, and he seemed determined to drag the whole family down with him.
I tried everything: therapy, special meals, and even silly antics to cheer him up. But the reality was, he wanted to embrace his moodiness. He preferred to sulk in his room, wrapped in his hoodie, even when the weather was warm. Looking back, it seems he needed to navigate those turbulent feelings brought on by puberty without me pretending to be a cheerleader from a sketch on “Saturday Night Live.”
Now, I understand this phase better since I have other kids who followed in his footsteps. As soon as my son began to emerge from his funk, my second child transformed into a grumpy version of her typically sweet self. She went from wanting to match outfits with me every day—her sweet little voice asking to “twin” together at bedtime—to treating me like a stranger.
Having just gone through it with her older brother, I was bracing myself for the storm. However, I chose to approach her differently: I gave her space. Instead of urging her to snap out of it or expressing how much I missed our conversations, I let her be. I was mentally drained from trying to pull my son out of his dark place, and I realized that pestering my kids only made them cling more tightly to their moods.
Now that my youngest is experiencing the classic 14-year-old attitude, I’ve learned to let him have his space, too. I may not tolerate disrespect or allow them to treat the house like a free-for-all, but I empathize with the challenges of parenting a moody teen. I often feel overwhelmed, and the urge to escape can spike as they grow older.
A friend of mine has been lamenting about her teenage daughter, who has been in a perpetual funk since last Easter, asking, “What’s wrong with her? How long will this last?” While I’m not a professional, it’s essential to discern between a typical hormonal phase and signs of depression, as I’ve seen both in my kids.
That said, just because some of my children needed therapy didn’t magically return them to their cheerful selves. Many teens must go through this phase, so let them. Forcing them to be happy only led to more resistance on their part. The more I pushed, the more they withdrew.
Give them room to breathe without neglecting their presence. Show them love while respecting their need for independence. It’s perfectly okay to vent to friends or your partner about the situation—just do it away from their ears.
Above all, trust that they will emerge from this phase. I promise you, they will. My eldest now enjoys spending time with me again and helps around the house, making it hard to believe he was ever that moody teenager three and a half years ago. My daughter has come around too; although she no longer wants to dress alike, we bond over TikTok videos and shared shows, which seems to have restored my “cool” factor.
As for my youngest, he’s currently deep in the throes of teenage angst, convinced that everything I do is wrong. I may only see him a few hours a week as he retreats to his room, but I have faith that he’ll find his way back to me in time. I’ve been through this cycle before, and I know it’s worth the wait.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, you might find useful insights in one of our other blog posts. Also, check out this informative piece on pregnancy and family planning from Resolve.
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In summary, parenting a moody teenager can be challenging, but it’s essential to give them the space to navigate their emotions. The more we push, the more they withdraw. Trust the process and know that they will come out of it in their own time.
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