What Is the Sandwich Generation? Pay Attention—You Might Be One of Them!

As parents, we cherish nurturing our children and watching them grow into their own individuals, while also enjoying the freedom that comes with it. However, you might find that the independence you once had from your own parents is starting to dwindle. They may require your assistance physically, emotionally, and financially. The once vibrant mom who took your kids out for ice cream may now need your help getting to medical appointments or treatment. You find yourself caught in the middle, balancing the care of your children and your aging parents. Welcome to the sandwich generation.

From helping your kids get dressed and fed to assisting your father with financial and medical matters, multigenerational caregiving can be incredibly fulfilling yet equally overwhelming. Your situation could feel like a perfectly arranged BLT, a chaotic sloppy joe, an overflowing cheesesteak, or a neat cucumber sandwich (if only).

Understanding the Sandwich Generation

The term “sandwich generation” was introduced by social worker Dorothy Miller in 1981. She specifically referred to women in their 30s and 40s who were “sandwiched” between the responsibilities of caring for young children and elderly parents. Journalist Carol Abaya later expanded on this definition in the 1990s through her syndicated column “The Sandwich Generation,” identifying three distinct scenarios:

Traditional: Caregivers balancing their own children with aging parents needing assistance.
Club Sandwich: Individuals in their 30s or 40s with young children, aging parents, and even grandparents; or those in their 50s or 60s juggling responsibilities for aging parents, adult children, and grandchildren.
Open-Faced: Anyone else involved in providing care for older adults.

Today, as families delay having children and seniors live longer—10,000 baby boomers celebrate their 70th birthday daily—the definition of sandwich generation has broadened. The terms have even made it into dictionaries like Merriam-Webster and Oxford English as of 2006 without age limitations.

Sandwich Generation Statistics

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, over 12 percent of American parents with children under 18 at home also provide care for an adult. A 2018 Pew Research Center study revealed the following demographics among multigenerational caregivers with children under 18:

Ages 18 to 29: 15 percent
Ages 30 to 44: 53 percent
Ages 45 to 59: 29 percent

Surveys from New York Life in 2020 indicated that the COVID-19 pandemic has shifted the demographics of the sandwich generation, making it younger (38 percent are millennials aged 25 to 39), more female (64 percent), and more diverse. The same surveys also noted that the average cost of caring for older adults at home is about $1,000 per month, with even higher expenses for assisted living.

Key Challenges

Both new and seasoned members of the sandwich generation face significant questions, such as:

How do I manage my time and finances between my children and older family members?
How can I carve out time for myself and my partner?
Is it acceptable to ask for help?
Am I feeling depressed, and how can I address those feelings?
How can I take a break when so many rely on me?
How flexible is my job, and how much support can I request?

Tips for the Sandwich Generation

There’s no single method for effective caregiving; each relationship is unique. Remember, it’s perfectly acceptable to seek help from friends, family, and even your children when appropriate.

Engage Your Children: Kids are observant but still learning about the world. Hold family meetings to explain why you may not always be available. Use these moments to teach them about compassion, empathy, and responsibility.
Empower Your Parents: No one wants to feel like they’re losing control over their lives. Strive to be a source of joy and support for your older relatives rather than a reminder of their limitations.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to involve siblings or other family members in caregiving tasks. Whether it’s preparing a meal or contributing financially, sharing responsibilities can lighten your load.
Establish Legal Protections: Setting up a durable power of attorney can help safeguard assets in times of crisis.
Prioritize Self-Care: Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure to exercise, eat healthily, and find ways to relax and destress.
Keep Communication Efficient: Instead of repeating the same updates to different family members, create a group text or email thread to keep everyone informed about your loved one’s well-being.

What is a Boomerang Child?

“Boomerang kids” refers to adult children who return home to live with their parents due to financial difficulties after having lived independently. A recent Pew Research Center report states that 52 percent of millennials currently reside with their parents, often due to job loss, financial instability, or the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic.

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Summary

The sandwich generation refers to individuals, often parents, who find themselves caring for both their children and aging parents. This role can be deeply rewarding but also quite challenging. It’s essential to seek support, communicate openly within the family, practice self-care, and ensure legal protections for aging relatives. For more information on related topics, explore additional resources.