I see myself as a resilient individual, a woman with a strong will and a no-nonsense attitude. My upbringing in a challenging environment forced me to develop a tough exterior early on. I learned to lock away my emotions and hide my inner child, “little Jamie,” in a cage, where she remained hidden for many years. For three decades, I found comfort behind that metaphorical barrier, but everything changed when my mother passed away in the summer of 2020. The door to my childhood swung open, revealing the painful memories I had kept at bay for so long, and that protective cage turned into a prison.
I lost touch with both my true self and my sanity.
Before diving deeper into my current struggles, it’s important to understand my difficult upbringing. My grandfather passed away when I was five, and I lost my father at twelve. Shortly after his death, my mother fell into a deep depression, exacerbated by alcoholism, which ultimately took her life. Growing up, I was surrounded by grief and trauma; pain was a constant companion. There was also emotional abuse—my mother frequently yelled at me, belittled me, and used hurtful words. At the time, I didn’t dwell on it too much, as I had built a thick skin and consciously protected “little Jamie” from the chaos of my life. That is, until June, when I began experiencing flashbacks reminiscent of PTSD.
When these memories surfaced, I immediately sought help from my psychiatrist. I requested an increase in my medication and turned to running as my primary form of self-care. I also sought out a new therapist experienced in trauma work. As we began unpacking my childhood, she made a surprising recommendation: I needed to (re)parent my inner child. There was much more to her suggestion, but her main point was clear—I had to learn to nurture and love “little Jamie.”
“Reparenting can assist individuals in healing attachments and fostering healthier relationships,” explains Sarah Mitchell, a licensed counselor from Ohio. “It can also help identify and amend patterns of dysfunctional behavior, which are common among abuse survivors.” This process is crucial for healing.
According to Kelly Thompson of Talkspace, “Reparenting is rooted in the idea that many psychological issues arise from unmet childhood needs. If a child does not feel secure and unconditionally loved, they grow into adults who struggle with relationships and life.”
Initially, I found the concept quite silly. When my therapist suggested I visualize “little Jamie” on my lap and care for her as I would my own children, I laughed at the absurdity of it. However, after months of resistance, I decided to give it a try. I began speaking to myself the way I would to my daughter, saying things like, “It’s okay. You’re alright. It’s not your fault. Everyone makes mistakes.” When feelings of sadness and anxiety crept in, I sat with those emotions instead of fleeing from them.
I allowed “little Jamie” to express herself, wiping her tears with tissues and my sleeves. I also confronted the negative self-talk that had convinced me for years that I was unworthy of love, health, success, and happiness. How? By asking myself one simple question: Prove it. Bad mother? Prove it. Inadequate wife? Prove it. Unsatisfactory employee? Prove it. I challenged myself to view my life through a different lens, affirming, “You are enough.”
I committed to loving myself selflessly and unconditionally, just as I do for my daughter and my two-year-old son.
Is this journey easy or flawless? Absolutely not. It’s a struggle to resist negativity, especially as someone who deals with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. It feels awkward at times; I often doubt the affirmations I tell myself. Nevertheless, I continue to speak those affirmations. I hold myself—literally and figuratively. “Little Jamie” remains on my lap, and I will keep her there as long as she needs, until she feels cherished and secure. Because reparenting is not about achieving perfect parenting or “unparenting” but rather about cultivating a sense of safety, confidence, and love.
For more insights, you may find this blog post on self-parenting enlightening. If you’re interested in home insemination, consider checking out this guide. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, this link is an excellent starting point.
Leave a Reply