I’ve never been the smallest person in the room. From a young age, I noticed that I had a fuller figure compared to my classmates. This awareness intensified during my 8th-grade graduation dress shopping, and it plagued me throughout high school, into college, and even during my pregnancies. It wasn’t until the fall of 2018 that I began a real journey toward self-acceptance, embracing my body in all its forms.
Learning to love myself is an ongoing process, one that requires me to unlearn years of negative self-talk and societal expectations. Compounding this challenge was my partner’s critical view of my body, which I later recognized as fatphobia. His perspective didn’t stem from a fear of gaining weight himself, but rather from a tendency to shame me for my appearance, making me feel unworthy of love at any size.
We crossed paths in 2008, during a tumultuous time in my relationship with food. At the beginning of our relationship, I wasn’t forthcoming about my struggles with eating, and he soon caught on to my habit of avoiding meals in front of him. He expressed a desire to support me, which I initially believed.
The first sign I overlooked appeared as a gift for my 18th birthday: workout clothes, including two tight racer-back tops and shorts that were a size too small. I hadn’t run since middle school, and his gift was unasked for. When I mentioned needing a different size, he dismissed it, saying, “Use it as motivation to become a smaller version of yourself.” His words didn’t explicitly label me as “too big” or “fat,” but the underlying message was unmistakable—my current self wasn’t good enough.
This was only the beginning. Throughout my first pregnancy, he closely monitored my weight. Despite my doctor assuring me everything was progressing well, he always found a way to bring up my body. If I questioned his fixation on my weight, he framed it as concern for our baby’s health, claiming he thought I was beautiful regardless of size.
After I gave birth to our first daughter, I lost a substantial amount of weight—38 pounds in three months, which should have raised alarms rather than cheers. My partner celebrated this drastic change instead of expressing concern for my wellbeing. His pride stemmed from a fear of me becoming fat, rather than genuine care for my health.
Reflecting on my upbringing, I realize my partner’s disdain for those who were heavier was rooted in his own experiences. Both my parents battled weight issues, and I recall them struggling with anxiety and depression, which often led to emotional eating. When my partner met my family, he was openly critical, attributing his distaste to their attitudes and behaviors instead of their appearances. The truth was that he was repulsed by their bodies, and he feared I would follow a similar path.
Over our decade-long relationship, I learned that fatphobia is pervasive and often insidious. It’s not classified as a disorder, but it’s a societal construct that fosters unconscious biases about body image. While some brands have begun to showcase diverse body types, we still have a long way to go before everyone feels seen and valued in society.
I share my story to let others who have faced weight-related criticism know they are not alone. None of us are perfect, and our differences contribute to the beauty of life. You are deserving of love and respect just as you are. Find ways to honor your body—whether through exercise, self-care, or simply nurturing a positive relationship with yourself. When you treat yourself with kindness, you’ll attract the same from those around you.
For further insights on this topic, check out this blog post on Home Insemination Kit and visit Make a Mom for expert advice on home insemination. Additionally, Kindbody offers a wealth of resources related to pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
In this reflection, I recount my experiences living with a partner who held fatphobic views, impacting my self-image and body acceptance. The journey of self-love is ongoing, requiring me to confront both external judgments and internalized negativity. Through my story, I aim to connect with others facing similar struggles, emphasizing the importance of self-worth and body positivity.
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