Parenting
Age brings with it a set of expectations and milestones that society often uses to measure our lives. What if your baby isn’t walking or talking by their first birthday? Oh no, you’ve hit the big 10! Celebrating double digits! Happy Sweet Sixteen! Here’s a grand party and your driver’s license. Congratulations on turning 18; you’re now considered an adult and can vote. Enjoy your newfound ability to drink legally and spend your hard-earned cash at the casinos with your 21 ID. And now, at 40? It seems like life is all about the kids, and the notion is that everything goes downhill—slap a bumper sticker on your back that says “Honk if parts fall off.”
But it’s time to rewrite that narrative. Our journey to 40 can vary greatly from this script. For many, life truly begins at 40, and you can pursue whatever you desire.
As I approach 42, I’ll admit that I sometimes feel like I’ve missed chances or let myself down for not achieving certain goals. It’s not just a fleeting sense of regret; I’ve experienced full-blown panic attacks, fearing that life has passed me by, leaving me too old to fulfill my dreams. I haven’t published a book, returned to school for that master’s degree I crave, or traveled to Europe. I still can’t perform a muscle-up in CrossFit or master a handstand in yoga.
Yet.
Adding “yet” transforms everything. It’s not merely my age holding me back; it’s been a lack of opportunity and not realizing I wanted to pursue some of these dreams. I have been busy with all the other aspects of life. Turning 40 doesn’t mean life halts.
I remind myself of the achievements I’ve made and the lessons learned “later in life.” Growing older means gaining experiences and hopefully more understanding of who we are and what we need. I got sober close to 40. I underwent gender-affirming top surgery at 40 after coming out as nonbinary a couple of years earlier. Compared to younger transgender folks having the same surgery, I was practically an elder. I’m divorced and embarking on a new relationship with a partner, though we’re navigating long-distance challenges. We often wish for more time together, but our love blossomed when it was meant to, which was at 40.
Just because certain items remain unchecked on your to-do list or vision board doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t achieve them. You can still become pregnant, get divorced, start dating, or remarry. You can come out of the closet, express your gender identity through your clothing, relocate, launch a business, or switch careers. You can go back to school, write that book, or become a foster parent. You are not a mere observer in your own life. While some circumstances are beyond our control, many events and situations are still within our power to change. Even if huge adventures aren’t on your agenda, there are countless smaller things you can pursue.
Our curiosity never wanes, and it’s never too late to try new things, whether they’ve been lifelong dreams or newfound interests. You can learn to drive, swim, ride a bike, ski, skate, or do yoga inversions. You can master cooking, scuba diving, pole dancing, gardening, car maintenance, or even doing your own taxes. Travel, take a stand-up comedy class, or tackle a marathon—these are still within your grasp.
We should also allow ourselves to feel youthful, vibrant, and attractive. Aging changes our bodies, but it doesn’t mean we’re deteriorating or any less appealing. At almost 42, I have a deeper understanding of my body than I did a decade ago, resulting in improved exercise, intimacy, and overall living. My body has experienced a lot, but age has taught me how to embrace and utilize it best. Society often pressures women to conform to unrealistic beauty standards—hello anti-wrinkle creams and hair dye—but forget that noise. Invest in what brings you joy, not in products that promise an unattainable ideal of beauty. Savor the food, wear comfortable clothes, and flaunt those laughter lines.
There’s so much still possible when you turn 40, often with a greater capacity for enjoyment and fulfillment than in your younger years. We must care less about age and disregard the negative stereotypes that suggest we can’t thrive after 40. My list of desired experiences is extensive, and it’s easy to feel behind schedule. However, when I eliminate comparison, I focus less on where I think I should be based on age. I’m either right where I need to be or simply not there yet, and I won’t let another year slow my progress.
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In summary, turning 40 opens a realm of possibilities. Embrace your age and the experiences that come with it, allowing yourself to pursue your dreams without the constraints of societal expectations.
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