About nine months into solo parenting during a pandemic, I stumbled across an online fiction writing course. The description indicated that the class would demand a lot of time and effort, and the application process was no small feat—due within the week.
With COVID cases rising in my area and the cold, wintry weather showing no signs of letting up, I impulsively decided to apply. A week later, I received the exciting news that I was accepted.
The course’s demanding nature was as advertised. It required me to dedicate several hours each week to assignments and readings. However, after months of solo parenting through a pandemic, engaging in this class felt like a breath of fresh air. The instructor and fellow students inspired me, the work was invigorating, and for the first time in a long while, I felt driven to chase a dream.
Time, however, is a precious commodity. Even before the pandemic turned life upside down, I found myself adding tasks to my to-do list at a pace that outstripped my ability to complete them. This is the reality of parenting today, and it’s even more pronounced for solo parents. Hours seem to vanish, and every moment of the day is accounted for.
To fit this class into my life, I had to make sacrifices—sorry, sleep—and cut back on other areas. I even had to reduce the cherished moments I spend just being present with my kids, separate from helping with homework or reading them bedtime stories.
On that first night of class, as I logged in with my headphones on, shutting out everything except the sounds of my virtual environment, I told my kids I couldn’t join them for our Netflix binge. Guilt washed over me. After a long day of either working or managing their schoolwork, taking time to pursue my own goals felt like I was putting my desires ahead of theirs. It felt selfish.
But then, they wished me a good class and disappeared into their own world, and a different thought struck me. Yes, I was choosing my own dream over theirs, which is a definition of selfish. But it was more than just that.
By making this choice, I was demonstrating to them what it means to pursue a dream. I was showing them that striving for personal growth and ambition is important for everyone, including adults. I was teaching them the value of supporting each other’s goals, as we are a family who lifts one another up—not just in the parent-child dynamic but across all relationships within our family unit.
I often get tangled up in the notion of selfishness. As a solo parent, I tend to believe that my needs are less important than my children’s. They’ve experienced their father’s absence, and I’ve comforted them through their heartbreak. I would do almost anything to shield them from pain. Thus, making a choice that could seem like it takes something away from them (my time) is against my instincts.
Yet, it’s essential for them to see me prioritize myself, even in small ways. Selfishness, in this context, isn’t a bad thing.
For me, those few extra hours allowed me to feel more visible during the pandemic, reminding me of a future beyond it, and gave me hope when I had forgotten how to envision it. The class became a lifeline, and now, weeks later, I feel more motivated and present with my kids than I have in months.
For them, witnessing my dedication to a goal will hopefully instill in them the belief that their dreams are worth pursuing and that their desires are valid, with the reassurance that their family will always be there to support them.
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Summary:
Solo parents often face the dilemma of prioritizing their own needs versus those of their children. In a recent experience, I discovered that taking time for myself to pursue a writing class not only benefited my personal growth but also served as an important lesson for my kids about ambition and family support. By investing in my dreams, I was able to show them that self-care and pursuing goals are essential, ultimately enriching our family dynamic.
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