As a young girl navigating puberty without the guidance of a mother, I vividly recall the confusion and lack of preparation I faced. I remember the day I unexpectedly started my period at school, shocked to find blood during what I thought would be a routine bathroom visit. Though I knew what was happening, the experience left me trembling. None of my friends had begun menstruating, and it had never crossed my mind that I was so close to this milestone.
Shaky and overwhelmed, I informed my teacher that I needed to visit the nurse. “Are you okay?” she asked with concern. “Yes, um… I think I just started my period,” I replied, my voice much too loud in a classroom full of my peers.
The nurse was understanding and helped me with what I needed. Later that day, my dad took me to the store to buy supplies, doing his best to support me during a situation he was unprepared for. Ever since my daughter was born, I’ve wanted to ensure she has access to better information and support during her own journey through puberty.
Initially, we used “Amazing You” by Gail Saltz, which helped explain her developing body in an approachable way. However, I recently felt it was time to expand her education, leading me to purchase “The Care and Keeping of You” by Valorie Schaefer, a book many parents recommend.
Before introducing it to my daughter, I decided to read it myself and was quickly unsettled by its content. One of the first things that struck me was how the book assumes that all girls will develop crushes on boys as a natural part of growing up. While I was that girl, my daughter hasn’t shown any inclination toward crushes yet, and I’m wary of a book implying that she should be feeling that way.
Moreover, the book fails to recognize the diversity of sexual attraction, neglecting the reality that not every girl will have crushes, whether on boys or same-sex peers.
What concerned me even more was the portrayal of body image issues. The text seemed to operate under the assumption that all girls will struggle with body dissatisfaction. As someone who battled an eating disorder in my teenage years, I strive to raise my daughter with a strong sense of body positivity. She has never indicated any negative feelings about her body, and I don’t want to present her with a book that normalizes body hatred.
Overall, the book felt outdated, heteronormative, and lacking in body positivity. Upon further investigation, I discovered that I wasn’t alone in my concerns. Although “The Care and Keeping of You” was a staple in our generation, I believe we’ve evolved since then.
After consulting with sex educators who focus on body positivity, I found “Celebrate Your Body” by Sonya Renee Taylor. This book, now a bestseller, provides the essential information without the heteronormative and shaming undertones. It promotes health and self-care rather than preoccupation with weight. It also discusses social media and the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive friends, addressing romantic feelings in a way that doesn’t assume all girls will experience them by a certain age.
In essence, “The Care and Keeping of You” is a relic of its time, and that’s the issue—it hasn’t evolved alongside our growing understanding of pre-teens and teens. Parents often buy it because it’s the only option they know, but now that you’re aware, you can choose a resource that offers a more inclusive and supportive perspective.
Don’t forget to read it alongside your daughter and be there to answer any questions she might have. For more on this topic, check out this informative piece on home insemination.
Summary:
In today’s world, it’s critical to provide our daughters with resources that reflect the diversity of experiences in puberty. While “The Care and Keeping of You” was a popular guide, its outdated assumptions about crushes and body image may not be suitable for every child. Instead, consider offering them books like “Celebrate Your Body” that celebrate individuality and promote body positivity.
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