I'm a Widow Due to COVID, So There’s No 'Returning to Normal' for Me

As a widow who has lost a loved one to COVID-19, it’s deeply frustrating and painful to hear people express their eagerness for life to revert to “normal.” For myself and countless others who have experienced the loss of a partner, the concept of normalcy is forever altered.

Reflecting on the Past Year

Reflecting on the past year, the last time I felt a semblance of normalcy was March 21, 2020. Although we were under a stay-at-home order, our family of four joyfully celebrated our daughter’s second birthday. It wasn’t the celebration I had envisioned, but my husband went above and beyond to make her day special. In a world filled with uncertainty, the joy he brought to that birthday was truly magical. It’s a day I hold dear because it was perfect, filled with love, and marked our final day together as a family.

That day, March 21, 2020, was the last moment COVID didn’t intrude upon our lives. Just hours after our celebration, my husband, David, developed a cough, and everything changed.

The Battle Against COVID

For five agonizing weeks, David battled to recover. Each day, I awoke hoping today would bring improvement. I prayed for his healing and clung to the hope that life would return to how it used to be. But for five long weeks, I watched helplessly as COVID ravaged the body of my healthy husband, until the moment he took his last breath—the point at which my life was irrevocably transformed.

From that moment onward, my reality shifted, and the idea of “normal” became nonexistent. I will never celebrate another anniversary, holiday, or birthday with him. I will no longer hear his loving words or share in his laughter. My children will miss out on every Christmas and birthday with their father, and they will never again experience his warm hugs or bedtime kisses. The normalcy we once knew is a thing of the past, forever lost.

The Impact of Loss

Sometimes, it’s easy to overlook the individuals whose lives have been irrevocably changed by this pandemic. The loss, pain, and heartache are immense. Many of us continue to grieve for the lives we once had and struggle to find our “new normal”—one that doesn’t include our loved ones. This new reality thrusts us into an existence we never anticipated.

When I see others eager to dismiss COVID as a mere “bad memory,” I feel a surge of anger. It’s difficult to fathom how many fail to grasp the profound impact this virus has had on my life and the lives of many others. For my children and me, COVID will not simply fade into memory; it serves as a constant reminder of the perfect life we once shared, now snatched away.

The Journey of Healing

The trauma of losing my husband unexpectedly will always be a part of my story. Healing from such a tremendous loss is an ongoing journey, one that requires hard work. My grief may lessen, but it will never fully disappear. I will carry the weight of that loss with me, forever pondering the “what-ifs” and “could-have-beens.” Perhaps seeking to return to a state of normalcy is misguided, as it is unattainable for me and many others. Normal encapsulates all the memories I once had before COVID reshaped my existence.

It has now been ten months since I lost my husband, and I realize my life will never return to “normal.” While I am making progress in adjusting to my new reality, the memories of my former life still linger. As we continue to heal from our heartbreaking loss, please remember that normal is not a possibility for me and the countless others navigating life after COVID has taken so much from us.

Additional Resources

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Summary: The author reflects on her experience as a widow due to COVID-19, expressing the pain of losing her husband and the impossibility of returning to a normal life. She shares cherished memories and the ongoing struggle of finding a new reality without her loved one. The article emphasizes the profound impact of the pandemic on those who have experienced loss and the need for understanding from others.