Stay in a group. Request a security guard to accompany you to your vehicle. Choose a well-lit parking spot. Stick to main roads with plenty of pedestrians when walking home. If you see someone approaching while alone, cross the street. Hold your keys between your fingers as a makeshift weapon. Take a self-defense course to learn vulnerable spots—eyes, neck, groin. Check under your car and in the backseat before getting in. Avoid running with headphones so you can stay aware of your surroundings. Wear bright clothing for visibility but ensure you’re dressed conservatively enough to avoid drawing attention. If you ever feel uneasy, scream, run, and make noise. Fight fiercely—kicking, biting, and yelling—to escape any attempt at abduction. Don’t allow yourself to be cornered.
This is the advice we receive from the time we first venture out as young women. We memorize these precautions. We reinforce them in high school, college, and continue to remind ourselves of them even when we’re in our 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. This vigilance is relentless, regardless of our age, the city we inhabit, our attire, or perceived safety of the area. The fear of potential attacks is always present, and we must remain alert. Tragically, even when we adhere to these guidelines (after all, it’s our responsibility to prevent being assaulted or murdered)—by wearing bright clothes, walking in well-lit areas, and aiming to return home by midnight—everything can still go horribly wrong, as it did for Alexandra Wright.
Her heartbreaking and senseless death has resonated across the U.K. and the globe for this very reason. A young woman was brutally killed despite doing “everything right”—except, of course, being out alone at night. The narrative often shifts to blame the victim, as it always does, when we engage in the same routine activities men partake in without a second thought—like jogging alone, walking to our car solo, or being out late. We reassure ourselves that it’s okay. We have the right to walk home from a friend’s house without fearing for our lives. We shouldn’t have to travel in groups or be mentally and physically prepared to fight for our safety. Perhaps that’s what Alexandra thought on that fateful night, but we’ll never truly know.
However, perhaps this tragedy will not be in vain. Maybe this time, the dialogue will transition from imposing more protective measures on women to addressing who is genuinely responsible for these acts. It’s time to focus on men—on raising boys who understand that women do not owe them anything, who learn that they can be rejected or ignored without resorting to violence.
But for now, the conversation continues to revolve around Alexandra—about her being alone, the late hour, and the choices she made that led to this horrific conclusion. Women everywhere empathize with her because we have all been in her shoes. We have all walked home alone at some point, feeling anxious, gripping our keys, rushing to our cars, and sending a text to someone to ensure they know to look for us if we don’t arrive.
We walk alongside Alexandra, because we are all Alexandra. A 33-year-old woman merely returning home from a friend’s house, who did not deserve to die. Unfortunately, despite our efforts to stay safe and the countless times we convince ourselves that “everything is fine” and “I’ll be okay,” the grim reality is that femicide—the killing of women by men—is increasing. Thus, the list of precautions we must take is only bound to expand.
Last November, the Femicide Census revealed that from 2009 to 2018, 1,425 women lost their lives in the U.K., averaging one every three days. “Despite improvements in legislation, training, and awareness, the horrifying toll of deadly violence against women has remained constant for a decade. We have yet to fully comprehend the pandemic’s impact,” states The Guardian in an article addressing violence against older women, recognizing that this crisis does not discriminate.
It is essential to acknowledge that while Alexandra Wright’s death was tragic and brutal, the demographic of women most at risk are often Black and transgender. While we highlight Alexandra’s story, we must also honor the lives of those like Taylor Brooks, Maya Johnson, and Angela Rivers—names of Black trans women who have tragically lost their lives this year. Disturbingly, 2021 is on course to become the deadliest year for Black trans women if current trends continue. The prior year holds the record with 45 documented killings, but many incidents go unreported, and victims are frequently misgendered, meaning the actual figures are likely much higher.
The violence faced by Black trans women is so pervasive that it has been accurately described as a “pandemic within a pandemic.” This is further illustrated by the alarming statistic that just last summer, six Black trans women were discovered dead within a mere nine days. “It is evident that fatal violence disproportionately impacts transgender women of color—especially Black transgender women—and that the intersections of racism, sexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and easy access to firearms severely limit their opportunities for employment, housing, healthcare, and other essentials,” explains the Human Rights Campaign.
Yet, the focus remains on women’s actions, attire, alcohol consumption, and decisions deemed “unsafe” like walking home alone in the dark. Why are we placing this burden on women? Why is it their responsibility to ensure they don’t become victims of violence? The real issue lies in society’s obsession with controlling women, men’s inability to accept rejection, and their misguided belief that they deserve women’s attention.
Alexandra Wright did nothing wrong. She did not deserve to die. Neither did Taylor Brooks, Maya Johnson, Angela Rivers, or any other woman who has lost her life simply for existing or for encountering a man who felt the need to dominate and exert power due to his own insecurities.
That is the conversation we need to have—not “What more can women do to stay safe?” but rather, “What can society do to instill respect for women’s autonomy in men?” and “How can we dismantle barriers of transphobia and racism?” Until we address these fundamental questions, the precautions women take to remain “safe” while walking home will be ineffective.
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Summary:
The tragic death of Alexandra Wright highlights the ongoing threat women face, regardless of their precautions. Despite following safety measures, the risk of violence remains, particularly for marginalized groups like Black trans women. The focus should shift from women’s behavior to addressing societal attitudes toward gender and race, emphasizing the need for a cultural change that promotes respect for women’s autonomy.
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