The shift in our reality is unmistakable. Days are lengthening, vaccines are rolling out, and the arrival of stimulus checks sparks a flicker of hope for many. Friends are posting heartfelt messages about missing their families, eagerly anticipating the moment they can embrace their parents and reunite their children with grandparents. During lockdown, some even risked their safety to see loved ones, unable to endure the separation. Yet, I watch this unfold like a scene from a film; while I comprehend their feelings, I don’t share them. For some of us, the pandemic has served as a much-needed opportunity to distance ourselves from toxic or harmful relationships.
My family lives far away, and I haven’t seen them since the onset of quarantine. Typically, I would visit them several times a year, and thanks to therapy, I’ve learned how to navigate our interactions with civility. However, that doesn’t mean our relationship is enjoyable. I’ve grown accustomed to a routine of superficial conversations and low expectations, coupled with boundaries on topics I prefer to avoid. Maintaining this facade is draining; it forces me to suppress my own needs in favor of theirs.
Having known no other form of parental engagement, I thought this was how it was meant to be. Holidays used to feel like guilt-laden marathons where I channeled my anxiety into preparing the perfect meal, distracting myself from my discomfort. However, when the CDC advised against indoor gatherings this year, I complied and discovered a newfound sense of freedom. I realized just how exhausting those visits had been when I didn’t have to endure them. In a sense, sheltering in place became my refuge.
That said, quarantine has been devastating for many, as some found themselves confined with abusers. Reports of domestic violence and assault surged globally by 20-30%. The National Institute of Health has noted that “[Q]uarantine conditions are linked to alcohol abuse, depression, and PTSD,” alongside the economic strain that prolonged shutdowns have caused, creating a perfect storm for abuse in various households.
I’m relieved my parents have remained healthy and free from COVID-19 this year. Despite my challenging upbringing, I wish them no harm. I wasn’t even aware of my true feelings until the year passed without missing them, and I began to dread our eventual reunion. They’re vaccinated now, and soon I’ll be too. So, I’m preparing myself for our summer meeting and the return to those obligatory visits and holidays.
I genuinely celebrate the reunions of others as they get vaccinated and look forward to hugging my friends again. However, I don’t feel the same yearning for my parents, and that’s completely fine.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please reach out for support. Resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide assistance.
For more insights on navigating relationships, check out this post on home insemination or learn about couples’ fertility journeys at Make a Mom, an authority on this subject. Additionally, WomensHealth.gov offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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