Five weeks ago, I embarked on a journey toward food freedom. For the next 12 weeks, I’m collaborating with a registered dietitian who specializes in intuitive eating rather than focusing on intentional weight loss.
I reached this point of truly desiring food freedom—prioritizing it over weight loss—after realizing that every diet and so-called “lifestyle change” only increased my anxiety and obsession with food. My constant preoccupation never led to sustainable weight loss. Instead, each new regimen pushed me to a point of burnout where I could no longer continue.
These experiences didn’t just leave me heavier and feeling like a failure; they deepened my dysfunctional relationship with food and my body. Thus, after much reflection, I made the decision to stop trying to lose weight. Having tried nearly every diet imaginable, I figured it was time to give intuitive eating a chance.
Food freedom is exactly what it sounds like—the ability to enjoy food without guilt or shame. It means eating what you genuinely like, rather than adhering to a list of foods you “should” be consuming.
This approach encourages you to stop relying on arbitrary food rules to determine whether you’ve been “good” or “bad.” With food freedom, you understand that food and eating are not moral dilemmas.
The Complexity of Intuitive Eating
In theory, intuitive eating appears straightforward. You learn to trust your body to signal when you’re hungry, what to eat, how much to consume, and when you’re satisfied. Most people do this naturally, especially in childhood, before being influenced by diet culture.
However, for individuals like me, it’s much more complex. I’ve been told throughout my life that I eat excessively and exercise too little. Many of my health concerns, such as lipedema, polycystic ovarian syndrome, and endometriosis, have often been dismissed, as doctors simply advised me to “lose weight.”
As a result, at nearly 40 years old, I find myself unsure about how to eat. I haven’t trusted my body for quite some time, and learning to do so now is surprisingly challenging. I often confront uncomfortable emotions, choosing to examine them instead of resorting to binge eating or emotional eating for temporary comfort.
Mindfulness and Small Victories
Lately, I’ve been more mindful about my actions and motivations. I also work on managing expectations and confronting fears, such as the worry that I might just keep gaining weight. Nevertheless, I’ve started to celebrate small victories. Each day I go without binge eating is a success. Every time I honor my hunger and fullness, I count it as a win.
This journey is not easy, but it’s completely “normal.” Although I wish I could claim that food freedom is a cure-all, it’s not. Sometimes, it’s incredibly exhausting.
Others are curious about my progress, and I suspect they want to see if this approach “works” for me. It can be challenging to view food freedom as anything other than another diet, but it’s more accurately described as diet rehabilitation.
Naturally, people want to know if I’ll stick with this plan or if I’ll return to binge-restrict cycles. Some wonder if I might consider gastric bypass surgery. Personally, I don’t think so.
While surgery has crossed my mind, I understand that I need to confront my issues instead of opting for a surgically imposed diet. I don’t blame others for their curiosity; after all, individuals of my size are often showcased on reality TV. Not everyone knows someone who is classified as “morbidly obese” or “super fat,” and given society’s fat bias, it’s only natural for people to be intrigued by a body they don’t comprehend.
The Messy Part of the Journey
However, I’m in the midst of my journey—the messy part. Unlike celebrities who make headlines for their weight loss transformations, I’m not focused on dramatically altering my appearance through unhealthy means. I’ve been there, done that, and taken the before-and-after pictures, only to find that I never lost all the weight I aimed to shed and often ended up regaining even more.
I used to feel like a failure for repeatedly falling into binge-restrict cycles. Now my dietitian explains that these cycles are common side effects of intentional weight loss and that many others struggle with similar issues. It turns out we’re not lazy or incompetent; we’re simply human—and likely a bit burnt out.
Many people still ask me how much weight I’ve lost with this food freedom approach. The truth is, I have no idea; I’ve ditched my scale. Do my clothes fit differently? Not really. Rather than fixating on those metrics, I am focused on learning to trust my body, aiming to break the binge-restrict and restrict-binge cycles.
Exploring Food Choices
Regulating a disrupted system takes time. What am I eating? It varies. My mood influences my choices, and I’m on a mission to discover what I genuinely enjoy eating. I tend to lean toward flexitarian and pescatarian meals. I’m revisiting Splendid Spoon soups and Daily Harvest meals because they taste good and make me feel satisfied.
I keep my meals simple: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with the occasional snack if I feel the need. Typically, I include some protein, carbohydrates, and colorful fruits or veggies. There are no strict rules—just less stress.
Yesterday, for breakfast, I had stuffed salmon and some banana bread. For lunch, I enjoyed a Daily Harvest veggie soup, Greek yogurt, and more banana bread. Dinner consisted of a delicious vegan meal shared with my daughter. I checked in with myself to see if I was still hungry and realized I was satisfied.
I went to bed feeling good—not because I adhered to a specific caloric intake, eliminated entire food groups, or felt I had “behaved.” Instead, I felt good because I spent the day without fixating on food. I honored my hunger and took a step closer to understanding my fullness cues.
Today, I woke up feeling great. Yes, I was hungry, but not so ravenous that I couldn’t wait to eat. After taking my daughter to school, I enjoyed a salmon patty and more banana bread, followed by a Splendid Spoon soup for lunch. Tonight, I might order green pepper pizza for dinner or prepare something like roasted carrots, toast, and fish. Dessert might also be on the menu.
Regardless of what I choose, I’m confident it won’t lead to a binge or derail my progress. I’m learning to manage the emotions that previously caused me to feel out of control around food.
Understanding Overeating
These days, I feel more in control than ever as I learn to listen to my body. One significant insight I’ve gained is that overeating and binge eating are not synonymous. It’s completely normal for anyone to overeat occasionally—especially those of us who are beginning to trust our bodies again.
Before pursuing food freedom, I equated overeating with binge eating, viewing both as indications of my lack of willpower. Any time I perceived that I had eaten too much, it would spiral into a binge.
The guilt and shame would then propel me back into the cycle of binge eating, guilt, and shame again. Now, as I work with my dietitian, I feel empowered to break the cycle as soon as I sense a trigger. Instead of eating my feelings, I focus on exploring and addressing the underlying emotions, often rooted in diet culture.
Redefining My Relationship with Food
I grew up believing that if I wasn’t fixated on the scale or adhering to strict food rules, I was a failure. Food freedom is reshaping how I view myself and my relationship with food.
Having documented my food and body struggles for years, it seems radical to suggest that someone of my size can enjoy food without shame. Every diet book I’ve read has reinforced the notion that if you gain weight (the “crime”), you must do penance (the “time” of food restriction).
It’s still odd to acknowledge that I’m allowed to enjoy my food, and even saying it feels unusual. Body trust is counterintuitive. The idea that I deserve to be treated with dignity, without judgment about my weight, is not revolutionary—but it certainly feels that way.
The Subversive Nature of Food Freedom
Perhaps that’s what intrigues me most about food freedom. In a culture where dieting and wellness are a multimillion-dollar industry, intuitive eating can be startling. It’s refreshing to realize that not all issues faced by fat individuals are linked to size. It’s even subversive to acknowledge that dieting often exacerbates the problems we frequently attribute to obesity.
Notably, the experts advocating for food freedom often have backgrounds in treating eating disorders. Personally, I’m much more interested in guidance from those who want to help me heal my relationship with food than from those promoting further restrictions.
It’s telling that experts in eating disorders often emphasize food freedom and basic food groups instead of trendy diets. Many can say, “Eat this, not that,” or claim to know the “right” way to eat, but no one can dictate what will make you feel your best—except you. A significant aspect of food freedom is allowing yourself the space to discover that.
Creating My Grocery List
So, as people inquire about my meals while I embrace food freedom, they often view food lists as essential. However, my food lists are pretty straightforward and not exactly endorsed by the food police.
When I create a grocery list, I divide a sheet of paper into four sections.
- Protein: In the upper left section, I jot down favorites like fish, cheese, eggs, and Greek yogurt. I keep a good stock of quality canned fish and frozen options—sometimes opting for breaded varieties because they’re delicious. No shame there.
- Carbohydrates: The upper right section is for carbohydrates. With a kindergartener, my go-to picks include crackers, bread, pasta, rice, quinoa, and potatoes. I recently stocked up on pasta during a big sale. I typically grab Triscuits on sale at the supermarket, but I also enjoy almond flour crackers. We use both white and brown rice. Despite carbs often being seen as trigger foods, I’ve found they’re easier to manage when I let myself eat what I truly crave and periodically check in with my hunger and fullness cues.
- Fruits and Veggies: The bottom left section of my grocery list is for fruits and veggies. I learned the hard way that when I crave a salad, it’s better to just have one rather than avoid it.
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Summary
In this article, I share my journey toward food freedom and intuitive eating after years of struggle with dieting. With the support of a registered dietitian, I’m learning to trust my body and break free from the binge-restrict cycle. This process involves recognizing the complexities of my relationship with food while embracing small victories in my daily choices. Ultimately, my focus is on honoring my hunger and fullness cues, rather than adhering to arbitrary diet rules.
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