I’ve come across the phrase “kindness is always possible” on various platforms like Facebook and Instagram, not to mention on t-shirts, tote bags, and water bottles. Phrases such as “choose kindness,” “spread kindness,” and “be kind” are ubiquitous—and for good reason. These expressions resonate with love and empathy, embodying compassion, thoughtfulness, and grace. However, the belief that kindness is perpetually achievable is, while optimistic, fundamentally flawed. The truth is, some individuals simply do not merit your consideration or respect.
Allow me to elaborate. I identify as a strong and empowered woman who works tirelessly to support both myself and my family, producing numerous articles each week. I am a proud member of the LGBTQ community. Although I cherish my identity and the woman I have become, not everyone shares that sentiment. Some individuals harbor disdain for me due to my gender, my political views as a progressive Democrat, or my sexual orientation.
While I can endure judgment and name-calling, I cannot condone those who actively seek to oppress me. These are the individuals who vote for leaders who threaten my rights and the rights of others like me. You might argue that I should engage with them, educate them, or “kill them with kindness.” But is it worth expending emotional energy on those who despise me and believe my existence is unworthy of basic human decency? I don’t think so. Instead, I choose to confront ignorance and bigotry head-on, rather than attempting to turn toxic interactions into something positive.
As noted in an article from Learning for Justice, “Teaching kindness is a staple of elementary practice, but that isn’t the same as teaching justice.” While educators excel at promoting kindness, focusing solely on it can obscure the critical issues of inequity that affect our students’ lives.
Additionally, an article from Psychology Today highlights the psychological risks of always being the “nice” person. Constantly prioritizing kindness can lead to self-blame, burnout, and unhealthy relationships. It can cause one to compromise their own needs, resulting in a lack of emotional honesty and intimacy.
So What Can We Do Instead?
You can approach conversations with those who may not share your views with firmness and transparency. Conversations can be rooted in facts, and sometimes the best course of action is to disengage entirely. Not everyone is worthy of your time and energy, and it’s essential to set boundaries. Kindness should not come at the expense of your mental health. It’s crucial to step away from toxic relationships that make you feel unheard or unvalued. After all, respect is earned, and the same applies to kindness. Don’t compromise your own well-being just to keep others comfortable.
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In summary, while the sentiment of kindness is admirable, it’s essential to recognize its limitations. Not everyone warrants your kindness, and prioritizing your own well-being and boundaries is crucial for maintaining mental health.
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