I experienced my second miscarriage over ten years ago, and while the intensity of that grief has lessened with time, it lingers. It is, without a doubt, grief. Women who go through a miscarriage are grieving deeply, even if the experience varies from one person to another. Each of my three losses felt unique. My first was an early miscarriage — almost like a chemical pregnancy — that left me with a surreal feeling; I lost something I hadn’t fully recognized as mine.
The second miscarriage was much more challenging, involving numerous doctor’s appointments, weeks of hope, and ultimately a D&C procedure, as my doctor cautioned that waiting could lead to severe blood loss. That experience hit me hard, and I grieved quietly, navigating my days as a stay-at-home mom, sometimes leaning on long dog walks and self-help books for solace. Yet, the most difficult part was the pressure to act as though nothing significant had occurred. Miscarriages are common, so why should we dwell on it?
This is precisely why New Zealand’s recent legislation concerning miscarriage bereavement leave is so vital. Not only does it address the financial burdens many families face, but it also validates the emotional toll of pregnancy loss. As Ginny Anderson, the politician who championed the bill, stated, “The bill will give women and their partners time to come to terms with their loss without having to tap into sick leave. Because their grief is not a sickness. It is a loss. And loss takes time.”
I share Anderson’s hope that this law will emphasize the need for time to process the profound sadness that comes with losing a pregnancy. Mental health professionals, such as Julia Bueno, a London-based psychotherapist, emphasize that this legislation symbolically recognizes miscarriage as a significant loss for both women and their partners. She encourages other lawmakers to consider similar measures for what has been a long-overdue acknowledgment.
Despite progress in talking about miscarriages openly, there remains a lingering stigma. Many workplaces still do not foster an environment where discussing such personal loss feels acceptable. Even as a writer who has shared my experiences online, I hesitated to publish this article on a professional platform like LinkedIn. The fear of exposing my vulnerability, of admitting my past losses in a professional context, underscores the importance of laws like New Zealand’s.
Without acknowledgment of the impact of pregnancy loss, society inadvertently diminishes the significance of that pain. Women often carry this burden in silence, pushing through their grief while appearing composed at work. This results in a fraction of their spirit being stifled. A healthy workplace should allow individuals to bring their authentic selves, including their grief, thus enabling them to function at their best.
The true strength of New Zealand’s law lies in its message: “I see your pain. I recognize you as a whole person.” Such acknowledgment is powerful and essential for healing.
For more insights, you might want to check out one of our other blog posts about related experiences. If you’re considering home insemination options, Make A Mom offers excellent resources. Additionally, ACOG provides valuable information about treating infertility.
Here are some related topics you might find helpful:
- Understanding Miscarriage
- Coping with Pregnancy Loss
- Support for Those Experiencing Miscarriage
- The Emotional Impact of Miscarriage
- Resources for Grieving Parents
In summary, New Zealand’s new miscarriage bereavement law is a significant step toward acknowledging the emotional and financial challenges families face after pregnancy loss. It reinforces the importance of recognizing grief as a valid experience, thus fostering a more compassionate and supportive environment for those who have suffered such losses.
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