When my teenager, Jake, expressed a desire to attend a New Year’s Eve gathering with a couple of friends and his girlfriend, I was immediately faced with a tough decision. Navigating the rules for a 17-year-old is no small feat, but the ongoing pandemic provided an easier excuse to say no. Naturally, I ended up being the villain of the story while other parents seemed more lenient, wanting to let their kids “have a little fun” after such a challenging year. Yes, I understand it’s been tough, but so have I.
Fast forward a few months, and when another friend of Jake turned 18, his parents rented a hotel room for him and his friends to celebrate. Once again, I found myself in the thick of it after saying no. Suddenly, I was getting calls from other moms, Jake was frustrated with me, and his friends bombarded me with texts trying to persuade me that everything would be just fine.
I was the one who noticed when Jake had an itchy throat and a runny nose before Christmas; I took him for a COVID test. When my kids wanted to return to in-person schooling after a semester of remote learning, they turned to me to plead their case. Just last week, I reached my breaking point when my daughter, Lily, was invited to a slumber party. I had to decline her request, feeling awful since these kids have endured so much already, but I worried that a sleepover could quickly turn into a super spreader event—especially with teenagers involved. I still remember the days of sneaking out or inviting friends over without permission. If a parent is willing to host a sleepover right now, I can’t help but think they might not be prioritizing COVID safety.
Lily understood my reasoning, but on the day of the party, the father of the host called me while I was trying to focus on work, wanting to discuss my decision. He argued with me for ten minutes, insisting they were taking precautions and asking me to reconsider. Of course, he didn’t reach out to my ex-husband; it was once again my responsibility to prioritize our family’s health, and I was left feeling like the bad guy.
This is not a new reality for moms; I’ve always been the one who notices when my kids need medical attention before my ex-husband does. I’m the one who schedules the appointments. I’m the one they ask about their social lives. When we run low on certain groceries, it’s typically me they turn to. Over the past year, every decision felt like a matter of life or death, and it often fell to us moms to approve or reject nearly every choice our families made. It’s been a monumental and exhausting burden, and no wonder we feel like we can never catch a break.
This overwhelming responsibility shouldn’t rest on one person alone. Some partners may say it’s because we’re “better at it,” but that’s simply not true. Being the one who constantly worries about everything—deciding how risky it is to take the kids to the doctor for non-COVID issues, contemplating whether a trip to the store is essential—can be sheerly paralyzing. Moms often end up feeling like fun-sponges, and the stress can lead to sleepless nights as we spiral into anxiety about how best to navigate these challenging times.
In short, this exhausting role has taken a significant toll on us, and I can honestly say I’ve never felt this level of fatigue in my life.
For more insights on parenting during these challenging times, check out this other blog post. Additionally, if you’re considering assisted reproduction options, visit Make a Mom for expert advice. For excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, you can visit NHS.
Summary
The article explores the immense pressure that mothers face as primary decision-makers during the pandemic, highlighting the emotional burden of constantly having to prioritize their family’s safety and well-being. It emphasizes the unfairness of this responsibility and the toll it takes on mothers, who often feel isolated in their roles.
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