Like many others, I’ve found myself gaining weight during quarantine. To be honest, when it all began, I was lighter than usual for reasons unrelated to any dieting plan. Struggling with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) makes weight management a challenge; when my condition is stable, I tend to lose weight, but when it’s not, the scales tip the other way. Interestingly, I’ve always experienced significant weight loss during pregnancy, as PCOS doesn’t seem to affect me then. It feels complicated, like weight and worth are intertwined, which is a narrative that needs to change.
When COVID-19 hit, I had just welcomed a newborn and was at one of my lowest weights in years. This unexpected weight loss led me to grapple with my self-image; I felt I was perceived as more beautiful and valuable in a smaller body. It’s not that I don’t want to be smaller; rather, I want to appreciate my body’s natural fluctuations without tying my worth to its size. If I equate weight loss with increased value, then gaining weight will only lead to feelings of inadequacy. I can’t afford to let my weight dictate how I feel about myself.
For a year, my family has taken COVID precautions seriously, which means spending most of our time at home. Throughout this time, my focus has been on various aspects of life, and my body size hasn’t been a priority. As a result, I’ve gained weight and returned to my usual size. Growing up in a diet culture, seeing the scale rise was initially disheartening. Every pound felt like a step away from the “ideal” I was taught to aspire to. However, I refused to dwell on that disappointment because I’ve moved beyond that mindset.
The effort I’ve put into dissociating my body’s size from my self-worth has been profoundly rewarding. I’ve come to understand that my body has endured scars from childhood experiences that shape my current feelings. It’s crucial to recognize that my body was good then, even when told otherwise, and it remains good now, irrespective of external judgments.
In the past, I equated hunger with morality; the longer I felt hungry, the more virtuous I thought I was. This mentality is harmful. It’s essential to remember that hunger signals my body’s need for nourishment, and everyone, regardless of their size, deserves to eat when hungry. During a pandemic, responding to hunger becomes even more critical as we navigate our changing lifestyles.
Constant negative messages about body size have made me apprehensive about gaining weight, fearing judgment and labels of failure. I must remind myself that my success and beauty are not tied to fitting into an ever-changing ideal that is unattainable for many.
Recently, I visited my doctor for a non-weight-related issue. When the nurse called me in, I requested to skip the scale, knowing it would only add to my anxiety. She agreed. When I saw my doctor, she asked about my wellbeing and didn’t mention my weight. I started to explain my reluctance to weigh in, but she kindly interrupted, saying, “Stop. No need to explain. Your health is what matters, not the number on the scale.” She highlighted that I have no serious health concerns and advised me to focus on my wellness without the added stress of weight management during these challenging times.
Accepting changes in our bodies during such unprecedented times is not just wise — it’s necessary for our mental health. If you’ve gained a few pounds during the pandemic, remember that you’re not alone, and it’s vital to give yourself grace. Your body is a dynamic, living organism, and it adapts to your circumstances. Gaining weight is not a sign of failure; it reflects your ability to nourish yourself even in tough times.
We’re still here, navigating a world impacted by loss, and it’s perfectly okay to recognize and embrace the changes in ourselves. I’m grateful to acknowledge that there’s a little more of me, too.
For more insights on navigating weight changes and body positivity, check out this related post. If you’re looking into fertility options, consider browsing resources from Make a Mom for supplements that may help boost your journey. Additionally, the CDC offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s experience with weight gain during quarantine and the lessons learned about self-worth and body image. It emphasizes the importance of separating weight from value and recognizing that our bodies are dynamic entities deserving of care and acceptance. The piece also offers encouragement to those who may be struggling with similar feelings, reminding readers that they are not alone in their experiences.
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