Let’s delve into my journey as an older mom. I was immersed in my career as a journalist, prioritizing my work and social life over starting a family. But when I turned 40, I had a revelation—I told my husband, “It’s now or never.” Miraculously, five months later, it was indeed the right time.
The Advantages
I have a strong sense of self.
I consider myself fortunate to have welcomed a child just before turning 40. Becoming a mother at this stage of my life has offered distinct advantages. Unlike my 20s and 30s, I entered motherhood knowing who I was, without the struggle of growing up alongside my child.
I have increased time and patience.
While I don’t claim to be a perfect mom, I possess more time now than I might have had earlier to invest in being a good one. I also have the opportunity to read parenting books and seek ways to improve. Patience is still a work in progress, but I am definitely more capable of it than I would have been while juggling a demanding reporter’s schedule.
I can take time off.
Thanks to my husband’s job, I could afford to take a break after our baby arrived. Having spent two decades building my career meant that taking time away felt less risky; I had the skills and connections to return to work when I was ready.
I can hire help.
We were fortunate to recruit a wonderful nanny, Mia, who adored our daughter. I firmly believe she would have put my daughter’s safety above her own in a crisis. A friend, Lila, who also became a mom later, advised me not to feel guilty about delegating tasks. She encouraged me to cherish the moments I wanted to be present for, like bath time and bedtime stories, which made me a much happier mom.
I’m more flexible and fun.
As older parents, my husband and I are less bound by strict rules. This might be true regardless of when we had children, but there’s a certain confidence that comes with age. We’ve seen younger friends with kids obsess over rigid schedules, while we often welcome guests spontaneously, even during bath time. If a bath gets skipped, no big deal! Weeknight dinner parties are perfectly acceptable, and while we maintain our daughter’s bedtime, it doesn’t mean our evenings end with hers.
I’m also more playful now. My days of trying to appear cool are long behind me, allowing me to embrace silliness and dance along with my daughter. Just the other day, I made a goofy appearance in a TikTok video, hopping across the screen, and she dubbed me “the coolest mom!”
The Disadvantages
I feel my age.
Physical demands are real; I find myself stretching more to avoid injuries when lifting my daughter. I tire more easily and often need quiet time to recharge. Sometimes, I think the greatest joy of motherhood is a solo transatlantic flight for work—just me, a glass of wine, and a tiny screen.
I’m older than many other parents.
While I may exude confidence, I struggle with being older than other moms. I sometimes deceive myself into thinking I look younger than I am. On a school quiz night, I found myself lying about my age—on my 50th birthday—when a younger friend asked if it was a “special birthday.” I quickly shifted the topic, feeling embarrassed.
I struggle with technology.
There’s a generational gap when it comes to technology. I don’t connect with the online world the same way my daughter does. I find it challenging to keep up with her interests, from her Instagram posts to her Roblox designs. Perhaps if I were younger, I would be more engaged with her digital creations.
I worry that everyone notices my age.
There have been moments, such as at the doctor’s office, where I sensed the nurse’s confusion about who I was in relation to my daughter. Or at a water park, surrounded by peers who were all grandparents while I was the mom—those moments left me feeling a mix of surprise and pity from them.
In conclusion, I wouldn’t change my experience as an older mom for anything. I feel incredibly fortunate to embrace motherhood at this stage in my life.
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