I’ve noticed it everywhere on social media—on shirts, tote bags, and mugs. Phrases like “choose kindness,” “spread kindness,” and “be kind” are omnipresent, and for good reason. These messages promote love and empathy, showcasing compassion, warmth, and grace. However, the notion that kindness is always attainable is not without its shortcomings. It’s fundamentally flawed. Some individuals simply do not warrant your kindness, respect, or support.
Let me elaborate. I am a strong and determined individual. I work tirelessly to provide for myself and my family, writing numerous articles each week. I am also a proud member of the LGBTQ community. While I cherish who I am and the person I have evolved into, not everyone shares that sentiment. Many judge me for my gender, my political views as a Democrat who supports progressive policies, or my sexual orientation—simply for loving whom I choose.
I can handle judgment and name-calling, but what I cannot tolerate are those who actively seek to oppress me. These are the individuals who vote for leaders who threaten my rights and well-being. You might suggest that I should engage with them, educate them, or “kill them with kindness.” But should I devote my emotional energy to loving those who harbor hate towards me? It’s a thought, but I refuse to do so. Instead, I choose to confront ignorance and intolerance. I won’t make lemonade out of homophobic or sexist lemons.
While teaching kindness is a common practice in elementary education, it’s crucial to balance that with lessons on justice. A recent article by Learning for Justice highlights the importance of addressing inequities in how students experience the world. If we focus solely on being nice, we risk overlooking essential differences in perspectives and experiences.
Moreover, an unyielding commitment to kindness can have detrimental effects on mental health. As noted by Psychology Today, constantly presenting a friendly facade can mask deeper psychological issues, like self-criticism and burnout. Those who prioritize kindness may even find themselves trapped in unhealthy relationships, often compromising their own needs and desires to accommodate others.
So, what can you do instead? Engage in conversations with “unkind” individuals with firmness and honesty. Establish boundaries and recognize that not everyone deserves your time and energy. Sometimes, stepping back and prioritizing your own mental health is the best option. Remember, respect—and by extension, kindness—is earned, not freely given. Don’t sacrifice your well-being to appease others.
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In summary, while the ideal of kindness is commendable, it is essential to recognize its limitations. Engaging with those who oppose you, especially when it comes to fundamental rights, may not be the best use of your energy. Prioritize your mental health and well-being, and remember that respect—and kindness—should be mutual.

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