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We Stopped Drinking, and It Transformed Our Marriage
by Sarah Mitchell
Updated: April 5, 2021
Originally Published: April 2, 2021
It had been a decade since I stopped drinking, battling alcoholism, when my husband made the choice to have his last glass of bourbon. He did it so discreetly that I didn’t even realize it for two weeks. When we dined at one of our favorite restaurants, known for its extensive wine list, he simply ordered water. I was taken aback. He said it was time to change.
That decision has undeniably strengthened our bond. Without alcohol in the mix, we thrive together.
In the early days of our relationship, drinking was central to our connection. We met for drinks after work, spent nights on his patio with beers, and our dinners always included wine. Looking back, I wonder if we had much in common outside of our shared love for Budweiser. We came from different cities, different faiths, and had different interests. Yet, we moved forward.
After marriage, drinking escalated into a nightly routine. A glass of wine after a long day, celebratory cocktails on Fridays—it was endless. I soon realized my drinking was spiraling. I was showing up to work hungover and drinking heavily multiple nights a week.
When I became pregnant, I abstained for nine months, but soon after my son was born, I returned to drinking. Then, after my second pregnancy, I decided enough was enough. Since then, I have remained alcohol-free, giving birth to four children, and I take pride in not drinking during three of their lives.
My husband’s drinking, however, was different. He enjoyed it as a habit rather than a means to get drunk. He would come home, crack open a beer, and unwind with a bottle of wine at night. But he was often drinking alone. At first, it didn’t bother me, until it did. Our arguments increased, fueled by alcohol, and it revealed the worst sides of us.
Resentment grew as we began to live separate lives. I’d take the kids upstairs while he stayed in the basement with his drinks. Our Saturday nights often ended in disputes, and I grew frustrated with being the designated driver while he enjoyed expensive wine. What used to be fine became a source of anger.
There wasn’t a dramatic event that prompted him to stop drinking; he simply chose to. Quietly, he decided that our family deserved his best self. He’s a man of integrity, and it showed.
Now, nearly two years into our sober journey, our lives have improved significantly. Sure, we still have our disagreements, but they’re less destructive. We confront real issues rather than attributing them to alcohol. Our children benefit from our clarity and patience, allowing us to create precious family memories together.
Let me be clear—we don’t judge others for drinking. We have a drinking problem, not a problem with those who enjoy it responsibly. We can host parties and serve drinks without feeling tempted. However, I worry about our children, as alcoholism runs in our family. I hope they make wise choices when the time comes.
I feel incredibly grateful that we didn’t allow alcohol to tear us apart. Instead, we broke free from that relationship to nurture ours. I love my husband deeply, and I can honestly say I love him even more without the influence of alcohol. We often say, “Cheers to saving our marriage,” but I’ll toast with a Diet Coke while he enjoys an Irish coffee, minus the Bailey’s. And that’s just right for us.
If you’re interested in exploring related topics, check out our other blog post on sensory exploration. Additionally, Make a Mom is an authority on this topic, and for more information on pregnancy, visit Healthline, which is an excellent resource.
Summary:
The author shares their journey of overcoming alcohol and how it strengthened their marriage. After a decade of sobriety, the husband made the choice to stop drinking, leading to a healthier relationship where real issues could be addressed without the influence of alcohol. They express gratitude for having chosen family over alcohol and emphasize the importance of making wise choices when it comes to drinking.
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