It’s Acceptable to Use the Term ‘Disabled’ and Other Important Insights on Discussing Disability with Dignity

There are numerous subjects that I don’t fully grasp or know enough about to engage meaningfully in discussions. Unlike some who forge ahead despite their lack of understanding, I prefer to listen and learn. I’m okay with uncertainty and can acknowledge when I err, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel uneasy in my efforts to navigate certain topics correctly.

That discomfort should not deter any of us from striving to learn and improve; I am actively working on how to engage with disability and recognize my own biases related to ableism. I want to have meaningful discussions with my children about individuals with disabilities and be equipped to respond to their questions. Fortunately, there are many passionate advocates and individuals with disabilities who provide educational resources and personal narratives, giving people like me no excuses to avoid learning and shifting our perspectives.

The Importance of Language

The first step for everyone is to become comfortable with and respect the language individuals prefer to describe themselves. Terms like “disabled” and “disabilities” often carry stigma. For too long, society has marginalized those who don’t conform to what is deemed “normal”; this applies to various communities, including those who are overweight, queer, or from BIPOC backgrounds. I identify as queer and have encountered many who advised me against using that label, claiming it was too negative. Yet, it represents my truth and helps me connect with others who share similar experiences. Instead of confronting their own biases, some expect me to adjust for their comfort. This approach is not how true allyship or respect functions when we aim to uplift marginalized groups. The same message applies to the term “disabled.”

A resourceful educator notes, “Using euphemisms to refer to disability diminishes the discrimination faced by disabled individuals and the ongoing fight for accessibility. Your discomfort with the terms ‘disability’ or ‘disabled’ is irrelevant if you are non-disabled.” This sentiment is one of many highlighted by Alex Morgan, a writer and disability advocate, in her insightful book Understanding Disability. Morgan states, “Discomfort surrounding disability often leads to the use of terms like ‘special needs’ or ‘differently abled,’ which, upon reflection, are quite vague since everyone has needs and varying abilities.” She also emphasizes that 15 percent of the global population identifies as disabled, making this group the largest minority worldwide. Her book serves as a guide for fostering a more inclusive and accessible environment for individuals with disabilities.

Engaging with Children

When discussing allyship, Morgan asserts, “True allyship is rooted in meaningful actions. Non-disabled parents can certainly support the disability community by committing to learning about disability through the narratives of disabled individuals and ensuring their children do the same.”

It’s crucial to acknowledge that it’s perfectly acceptable for children to ask questions. Kids are naturally observant and inquisitive, and it’s the duty of the adults in their lives to respond positively, avoiding silence, shame, or negativity towards the disabled community. If you’re out with your child and they inquire about a disabled person, Morgan suggests reframing any rude questions. For instance, if your child points and asks, “What’s wrong with her?” you could respond by saying, “It looks like that person has a disability. That doesn’t imply anything is wrong with them; it’s just a part of who they are.” If your child poses a question you can’t answer, be honest and plan to learn together.

Sophia Carter, a writer and mother with a chronic condition, advises that adults should affirm the observation and gauge the response of the disabled individual if they are within earshot. “Often, disabled people are open to discussing their experiences with curious children – but don’t put them on the spot. Parents’ awkwardness can render disabled individuals invisible,” she cautions. This often happens when adults avoid eye contact or interaction due to fear of saying something inappropriate. Such behavior is not only dehumanizing but also counterproductive.

Creating Inclusive Spaces

Don’t wait for your child—or yourself—to encounter a disabled individual to reflect on the spaces you occupy and their impact on others. Question whether these spaces are accessible for all. Who is present? Why or why not? Carter reminds us that while everyone can benefit from a ramp, not everyone can use stairs. If there’s only space for one, why isn’t a ramp installed? Why does the default often favor stairs that serve only a fraction of the population? Instead of excluding individuals, we must strive to ensure everyone has equal access to opportunities.

Carter recommends the book You Can’t Invite a Fish to a Dance Party by Jessica Williams as a great read for parents and children. It tells the story of well-meaning pets who inadvertently exclude a friend from a party because they decide what’s best for him.

Listening and Learning

Disabled individuals don’t need us to speak for them, correct their feelings, or prove their value. We should focus on listening, learning, and improving our understanding. When we experience discomfort, it’s essential to check our egos; to be the allies we aspire to be, we must lean into that discomfort to create a more inclusive world for everyone.

Morgan emphasizes, “We live in a society that often teaches us to feel uncomfortable with our differences, so actively resisting that mindset is a vital process.”

Further Resources

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In summary, being respectful and informed about disability is crucial. We must embrace the language individuals use to describe themselves, encourage open discussions, and create inclusive environments to uplift all members of society.